How do you relationship?
As a therapist working with couples regularly, I am very aware that we humans are dynamic in nature, we ebb and flow within moods, hormones, triggers. We keep a keen eye on the external world and how we drive those factors: financial being a main irritant, or key ingredient in the recipe of ease. We live in a culture that suggests the harder we work, the better we can provide, even if at the cost of all things love and family.
My work with couples is some of my favorite. Some of them come in with divorce on their mind. I am honored with each pair who allows me into their private world. I am invested, to say the least, in supporting their love for each other, even if, especially when, one or both are tired, exhausted really, with family, finances, kids, and lack of connection within the core of their home: their marriage, their relationship, their partnership.
Marriages house many layers, this I know, but for the sake of this email, I want to lovingly suggest that you dial in ONE plan of action that will light UP your partner. This will have to be a mindful, thoughtful effort, because likely the lack of mindfulness is what has been the leader in any disconnect being experienced between you and your partner as of late.
Keep this in mind. Staying married so as to not upset children with divorce is only a good idea if that marriage demonstrates love and support, to name a couple of basic good things. A marriage that stays together, but is rich with arguments, disrespect, or even silence can be as unkind to children as an ugly divorce.
So, in the spirit of reconnecting…and for all things love and family, let’s build, or re-build, love and support within the core of your home: your marriage, your relationship, your partnership.
Let’s start with the suggested simple exercise of SEEING your partner. Even if what lights UP your partner is not necessarily something YOU enjoy, let’s do this exercise with a sense of selflessness.
Put something into place that you know will mean a lot to your spouse, and extend the invitation to them. It doesn’t have to cost a lot, yet I DO recommend it’s a plan that does not involve the children. You may have to take an hour or so away from work one day this month to execute your plan, you may have to hire a sitter, you may have to disrupt your usual routine to dial this in, but trust me, all are steps towards strengthening and supporting your relationship. All are steps worth taking.
Be good to yourself, be good to your partner.
Relationship/couples therapy is an excellent way to grow together, to reconnect.
I am here for you and yours.
You’ve got this, dear ones.
In wellness,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder of Vervewell
