Let’s talk about attachment styles…

I’ve been doing this therapy thing for a long time. Decades. In addition to seeing a full calendar of clients each week, I also supervise and teach upcoming therapists who are either student interns working on their graduate degree, or graduate degree graduates who are working on the required 3000 hours of supervision in order to receive a full LPC license.

As I’ve said and done for years now, if you want to learn more, teach.

And, these days, I do it all from a dreamy, idyllic seaside town in Connecticut. My excellent Vervewell Dream Team keeps the brick & mortar in Fort Worth running like a machine…a machine with a lot of heart and soul. My visits there every few months are always much fun, working in the offices, and spending some quality time with the Vervewell Counseling team.

Teamwork makes the dream work.

Don’t I know.

During the month of May, I delivered 12 social media reels discussing people pleasing.

During the month of June, I’ll be posting 12 social media reels discussing attachment styles. This email offers a kick off on this topic…

@bethclardylewis

@vervewell

We don’t enter relationships as blank slates.

We are usually carrying our share of luggage.

We bring patterns and expectations, as well as
protective strategies we didn’t consciously choose, but learned.

While attachment styles are considered theory in the therapist world,
they are also one way our nervous system learned to answer questions like:

Can I rely on you?

Will you stay?

Am I too much…or not enough?

Some of us learned to move closer, seeking reassurance, connection and clarity.

Some of us learned to pull back, proving self-reliance, minimizing needs, staying contained.

Some of us live in both: wanting connection, but not fully trusting it.

These patterns were built in your much youger years, to protect you.
But they don’t always serve you well in the relationships you’re in today.

They rarely do.

Here are some things you may catch yourself doing or feeling:

• wanting to reach out, but stopping yourself
• needing reassurance, but feeling embarrassed to ask
• saying “I’m fine” when you’re not pulling away when things start to feel close

These patterns can be understood.
They can be interrupted.
They can be changed.

Personal growth is right here…go for it.

This growth will likely not happen overnight, but through awareness, and choosing something different…moment by moment, personal growth is given room to shine and exist.

When you feel tension in a relationship, do you move closer, create distance, or shut down?

When you feel HAPPY in a relationship, do you move closer, create distance, or shut down?

If you’re ready for deeper work, we’re here for you at Vervewell Counseling.

Warmly,
Beth