I work with couples frequently. Many have teamed up with me for years for on-going, regularly scheduled sessions to support their on-going, dynamic relationships. I am continually honored to work with them. If you and yours would like to team with me to offer your relationship excellent, healthy tools for growth and continued connectedness, please contact me. I have opened up more availability on my calendar, however, am very close to going to a waitlist again. But please contact me and I will do my best to get you on my calendar with standing sessions. Please note that I only offer virtual sessions while I am in New England.
I’d like to share with you a simple tool I’ve been offering my clients lately. I just dialed this one in, and I’d say that I created it, but it’s truly not a reinvention of the wheel, so I won’t take an author’s credit with this. It’s simple, which I find the most effective.
For 20-minutes one time each week, sit with your partner in a completely undistracted space. While some of you may shirk at the idea of “undistracted”, I am here to tell you, no matter your world or current life’s chapter, you, too, CAN find the time to do this exercise thoroughly. We find time for that which we find important and prioritized. Let’s make the state of your union a high priority.
Now that you have the 20-minutes dialed in, note it on your shared calendar so that you do not schedule over it. Making this a commitment by simply writing it down sets the tone of its importance.
For the 20 minutes, TALK with your partner. But here’s the thing, you will only be discussing emotional content, not pragmatic items. And no one is to SOLVE a problem for the other one,
only:
INQUIRING, answering with emotional observations, LISTENING, and REPEATING BACK with empathy and compassion
Here is an example:
Spouse 1: (INQUIRING)- How was your meeting yesterday morning?
Spouse 2: (answering with emotional observation ONLY)- I was more nervous than I thought I would be, afraid even. But I pushed through and I think I offered strong points. It felt good to speak up for my team the way I did.
Spouse 1: (LISTENING and REPEATING BACK): I can imagine how nervous that would have made you! I’m happy to hear that you feel good about it, even though you started out as afraid. (Offering EMPATHY and COMPASSION): Thank you for telling me how that meeting felt for you.
Spouse 2: (INQUIRING) How did it go picking up the kids after school on Friday? Were you able to get them everywhere they needed to go that evening?
Spouse 1: (answering with emotional observation)- Admittedly, I was frustrated having to leave work early, but once they climbed in my car, I felt pretty great. I totally enjoyed hearing them chatter about their day and their weekend ahead. We even had time to stop for frozen yogurt, which added even more time to connect, which felt amazing.
Spouse 2: (LISTENING and REPEATING BACK)- I bet they were as happy to see YOU as you were to see them. I am so thrilled that you were able to make that happen and that you felt so connected with them. (Offering EMPATHY and COMPASSION) I bet that felt amazing!
Continue this exchange of:
INQUIRING-answering with emotional observations-LISTENING-REPEATING BACK with empathy and compassion…make note of how it feels to NOT offer solutions or fixes, but instead to support your spouse by ‘simply’ supporting and HEARING each other. This exercise offers opportunity to BUILD your emotional intelligence and emotional availability. Emotional connectedness is a KEY ingredient in a healthy, thriving relationship.
For further life lifting methods written by me and compiled neatly into 21-day strategies, please go to my therapeutic coaching website:
I hope to hear from you and yours so we can work together to build your relationship in healthy and emotional ways.
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S, is a licensed professional therapist and coach based in Fort Worth, TX, offering virtual therapy and counseling to clients across Texas, and therapeutic coaching worldwide. She provides individual therapy, couples counseling, and life coaching through both telehealth and online formats. As the founder of Vervewell Counseling in Fort Worth’s Near Southside district, Beth has built a thriving practice known for its soulful, client-centered approach. She is also the author of Stop Talking About Your Childhood and the creator of Long Live Lively, a web-based platform offering 21-day virtual therapeutic coaching courses designed to help people move forward with clarity, energy, and confidence.
