There’s often one person in every family, friend group, or workplace who seems to hold everything together. They’re the ones who remember birthdays, check in when someone is having a hard week, offer advice, and always seem to know what everyone else needs.
They’re dependable, thoughtful, and often the first person others turn to.
But here’s a question we don’t ask enough:
Who checks on them?
As we head into the holiday season, there’s a lot of emphasis on giving. We give our time, energy, attention, and sometimes a little more than we realistically have. We want the people we love to feel supported and cared for. But in the middle of making sure everyone else is doing okay, we can overlook something important.
We need care, too.
For some people, being the helper becomes part of their identity. They find meaning in being dependable and take pride in being someone others can count on, and there’s nothing wrong with that. Helping others can strengthen relationships, create connection, and give us a sense of purpose.
However, there’s a difference between finding fulfillment in caring for others and feeling like we always have to be the strong one. When we’re constantly focused on everyone else’s needs, we can become disconnected from our own. We might know exactly what our best friend needs after a difficult week but struggle to answer the question,
“What do I need right now?”
Sometimes, we become so accustomed to being the person who offers support that we forget how to receive it.The holidays can make this especially noticeable. Maybe you’re organizing the family gathering, checking in on relatives, making sure the kids have everything they need, or trying to make the season special for everyone. These things can be meaningful, but they can also leave us emotionally exhausted when we’re not making room for ourselves.
So, what if we approached this holiday season a little differently?
What if we allowed ourselves to be supported instead of always being the supporter? What if we let someone else take care of dinner, asked a friend for help, or were honest when we weren’t having the best day?
There is something vulnerable about allowing other people to show up for us.
For those who are used to being independent or dependable, receiving help can feel unfamiliar.
We may worry about being a burden or feel more comfortable giving than receiving.
But healthy relationships aren’t built around one person constantly pouring into another. They involve mutual care, understanding, and the ability to lean on one another.
Start by checking in with yourself. Recognize when you’re tired, pay attention to what brings you joy, and allow yourself to have difficult emotions without immediately pushing them aside. And when someone offers support, consider letting them.
You don’t have to stop being the person others can count on.
You just have to remember that you deserve to count on other people, too.
This holiday season, as you’re thinking about everyone on your gift list and finding ways to show the people you love that you care, don’t forget yourself. You deserve the same thoughtfulness, patience, and compassion that you give so freely to others. Because being there for everyone else is a beautiful thing.
Just make sure you’re allowing someone to be there for you, too.
Megan Munday is a student intern at Vervewell Counseling in Fort Worth, TX. Currently completing her master’s degree at Tarleton State University, Megan helps clients break through negative habits by utilizing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) to reframe unhelpful thought patterns. She draws from both personal and professional experience, building on a psychology degree from the University of Arkansas and two years of case management experience in a rehabilitation setting.
