There are many topics I don’t know much about, but due to circumstances in which nobody tells you are beyond your control, perimenopause it not one of them!
It goes by other aliases such as “The Pause”, “The Change”, “Ovarian Retirement”, and my personal FAVE, “Cougar Puberty” but no matter what you call it, it brings about not only changes, but a boatload of questions as well.
Perimenopause can be a season of deep reflection for many women.
As hormones shift and life transitions unfold, women often begin reassessing priorities, relationships, careers, and personal goals.
I believe that women are taught from a very early age about the concept of “enoughness” and we spend our first few decades making sure that we are measuring up to the “enough-o-meter” that either society, our loved ones, and mostly WE have placed on ourselves. As we move into our “cougar puberty”, the line between contentment and complacency can feel blurry.
A gal may wonder if her desire for a slower pace and greater peace reflects healthy contentment, or if it signals a quiet settling into complacency, mostly because we have been taught that we are never allowed to slow down.
It is important to remember that contentment during perimenopause comes from a place of wisdom and life experience, in other words, we’ve earned that shit!
Many women have spent decades striving, building careers, raising families, and meeting the expectations of others. With time comes clarity about what truly matters.
Contentment allows women to appreciate their accomplishments, honor their limits, and choose balance over burnout. It’s a grounded sense of fulfillment that says, “I’ve come far, and I value the life I’ve built.”
However, this often feels very uncomfortable for many women and can be a place that needs support and guidance on how to give yourself permission to stop performing and sit in this new “normal”.
We want to be aware that complacency, however, can sometimes sneak in under the disguise of comfort. Fatigue, hormonal changes, or the emotional weight of midlife transitions may make it tempting to stop pursuing passions, new challenges, or personal growth.
When this happens, women may feel stuck or disconnected from the sense of purpose that once energized them. Over time, complacency can lead to frustration or a feeling that something meaningful is missing.
If you are finding it difficult to get out and try new things, make connections, embrace your new “role” as an empty nester, or if you’ve flat out forgotten what makes you happy and brings you joy, I strongly encourage you to reach out for support and allow someone to walk with you on your journey of rediscovering yourself and experiencing just how awesome this age and stage of life can be.
The struggle between contentment and complacency is ultimately about staying engaged with life while still honoring the need for rest and self-compassion.
Perimenopause can be an invitation to redefine ambition rather than abandon it.
Instead of chasing external validation, many women begin pursuing goals that align more deeply with their values, health, and joy.
In this way, contentment becomes not the end of growth, but the foundation for a new and more authentic chapter.
Come see me here at Vervewell, and let’s write that next chapter, Sis!
Heather Chandler, LPC, is a licensed professional therapist at Vervewell Counseling, based in Fort Worth, TX, with over 20 years of experience in mental health support and education. Located in the Near Southside district, she offers individual counseling for adults 18 and up, as well as couples and family therapy, both in-office and through virtual telehealth sessions. Heather emphasizes the importance of a solution-focused therapy approach, mindfulness, and intentional self-care. She is especially passionate about working with clients who are seeking to identify and reframe negative thoughts and behaviors by focusing on the present and developing skills for lasting change in their individual lives and close relationships.
