Are you experiencing a serving of the GenX Sandwich?
The struggle is real folks!
Those of us born between the mid-1960s and early 1980s, are still actively parenting adolescents or supporting adult children while simultaneously stepping into caregiver roles for our elderly parents who need help with health, finances, or daily living. We, Generation X parents, often find ourselves squeezed between the demands of raising children and caring for aging parents, causing a demographic double bind sometimes called the “sandwich generation”. The result is a constant juggling act of schedules, priorities, and a mental load that can leave anyone feeling pulled in too many directions.
Practical stressors can occur almost daily with coordinating school, extracurriculars, and time with our own kids and nuclear family, while being asked to schedule or attend doctor’s appointments, manage housing issues, or assist with or arrange care for parents.
Time scarcity becomes the norm, and small crises such as sudden illnesses, job changes, or school issues can quickly cascade into larger disruptions that affect the whole family’s stability.
The financial strain is another major pressure point. As we are trying to save for retirement, paying for college tuition and our own bills, we are often asked to assist with our parents unexpected medical bills, home issues, or even daily expenses.
We often also act as mediators between generations, balancing our parents’ desire for autonomy with safety concerns, and reconciling children’s needs for independence with parental instincts to protect. We, Gen Xers, frequently navigate guilt on multiple fronts. We tend to feel guilty about not doing enough for our children, guilty about perceived failures toward our parents, and guilty about taking time for our own needs. The emotional toll of finding ourselves in this pressure cooker can feel overwhelming and can cause stress, anger, and resentment.
So, what do we DO about this “squeeze”?
Addressing these issues calls for deliberate planning and boundary-setting. Establishing shared caregiving plans, using community resources and financial planning, and of course talking with a therapist who can help guide you in the boundary setting process and learn a new way to communicate with parents, as roles begin to reverse.
Most importantly, Gen Xers benefit from permission to set limits and seek self-care. We must work on accepting that we cannot do everything perfectly, which will allow us to feel more successful in this new journey and be able to sustain our ability to support both children and parents over the long haul.
If you find yourself with a big plate of the Gen-X sandwich and don’t know where to start, I would love to walk you through this stage of life. I specialize in multi-generational family therapy and am skilled in helping you create boundaries with children and parents, as well as learning to communicate in your new role in parenting your parents.
Heather Chandler, LPC, is a licensed professional therapist at Vervewell Counseling, based in Fort Worth, TX, with over 20 years of experience in mental health support and education. Located in the Near Southside district, she offers individual counseling for adults 18 and up, as well as couples and family therapy, both in-office and through virtual telehealth sessions. Heather emphasizes the importance of a solution-focused therapy approach, mindfulness, and intentional self-care. She is especially passionate about working with clients who are seeking to identify and reframe negative thoughts and behaviors by focusing on the present and developing skills for lasting change in their individual lives and close relationships.
