At Vervewell Counseling, I supervise upcoming scholars as they become fully licensed therapists. I’ve said many times: you’ve got to really WANT to become a therapist to become a fully licensed therapist in the state of Texas. The supervision piece of the puzzle is lengthy, concentrated, eye opening and needed. I am honored when my work is with the superstars of the upcoming therapy world. And that’s exactly what we have with my current LPC Associates.
This week we highlight Vervewell’s Aria Loveless-Green and her insight on soul work.
Soul Work Can’t Be Rushed
Many people (including myself) have walked into their first therapy with the high expectation that their therapist will “fix” whatever they’re struggling with. Anyone who has spent a considerable amount of time in therapy or has worked as a therapist has likely confronted the reality that quick fixes are often nonexistent. There are many reasons we can explore for this, but I’d like to look at this through the lens of a three-phrase mantra coined by bereavement expert Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt. I think this mantra sums up the most important points of what therapy is all about.
1. No rewards for speed.
Processing issues such as grief, trauma, or living in a world that marginalizes some aspect of our identities is not something that can be hurried. Healing is not something we can schedule nice and neatly in our calendars. Learning to live with ourselves is not a problem to be amended, and, even if it was, it is definitely not one we can fix efficiently. While this can be a stressful realization initially, it can also be immensely liberating. Time and the world move on, while we often feel stuck or frozen in our pain. Rejecting the idea that we have to “get over” something quickly allows us the freedom to accept ourselves fully. It gives us permission to move at our own pace. The work of our souls is not bound by worldly time.
2. Trust in divine momentum.
The second phrase encourages therapists and clients alike to let go of attempting to control the uncontrollable. While we have a lot of power and agency over ourselves, sometimes life presents us with circumstances that elicit powerful emotions to be felt. The emotional work of our spirit naturally progresses in due time as we create space to feel our emotions authentically—and that means at our own rhythm, too. Trying to rush this along often creates difficult emotional loops that become progressively harder to untangle and resolve. It behooves both a therapist and a client to take a step back and let what comes up in the therapy room to breathe, rather than trying to put it on any timeline.
3. No attachment to outcome.
A good therapist does not try to force a specific result, “fix” our client’s pain, or steer them to a destination that fits our agenda. As a client, your life is yours. As a therapist, I’m here to be your companion as you explore what you want to do with that freedom. This means sitting in some uncertainty, which isn’t always comfortable, but is always rewarding. Honoring the mystery of our journey and surrendering the need to know all the answers lets us accept and love who, what, and where we are right now.
To work on ourselves is often difficult, but it is necessary if we want to live the fullest, most joyful, and rewarding life possible. Therapy is a tool for taking care of ourselves and gaining valuable insight and perspective. As your therapist, I believe we are doing deep, important work together–and I don’t see that as something we can rush, predict, or wrap up neatly and easily. Your life and your story are complex. Your inner world is beautiful, deep, and experiences built it over many years. My goal is not to fix you, because you aren’t broken. You’re a human, and what you need is another human who will sit in the mystery of our world and emotions with you. With some trust, work, and divine timing, you could learn things about yourself that change your life.
Aria Loveless-Green is a LPC Associate (under the supervision of Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S) at Vervewell Counseling, serving the Fort Worth Near Southside community with a focus on life transitions, identity exploration, and trauma therapy. Aria helps individuals move forward when they feel “stuck” by blending Existential Therapy with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). This approach prioritizes mindfulness and values-based action to help clients build a more intentional life. Her background includes extensive experience supporting domestic violence survivors, individuals with disabilities, families, and university students.
