There have been times when I have had to look in the mirror and remind myself the only thing I have control over is myself. We may not realize it, but at some point, we all like control. We like things to be in a certain way. I especially like to control people. When we have expectations of how other people should act, we are creating premeditated resentments.
People seldom act the way we want them to. One thing I have noticed about myself is my happiness has at times depended on how someone treats me. When our happiness comes from others, we’re not going to be truly happy. There’s going to be something that someone does that upsets us if we expect them to make us happy. The truest happiness comes from within ourselves.
I’ve had friends that have hurt my feelings, but I have learned I can’t let those experiences tear me down. I have depended on others including my partner to make me happy. And what I have learned very quickly is that other people will not satisfy my needs. People are not perfect and they’re never going to be.
When we learn to find happiness within ourselves, we can be free of other’s behaviors or expectations. Especially with social media, if we don’t receive enough likes on a post we created, we believe that there is something wrong with us. We all seek validation from others one way or another. It is not easy to let go of what others think of us. However, once we start reminding ourselves of our worth and let go of other people’s view of us, we begin to have a peaceful life. We can’t control how people act or how they see us, we can only control how we see ourselves.
Cameron Garrison is an LPC Associate at Vervewell in Fort Worth, TX, supervised by Beth C. Lewis, LPC-S. She specializes in helping clients process grief, loss, addiction, and difficult life transitions. Cameron works with adults, members of the LGBTQ+ community, and adolescents ages 10 and up, including those impacted by a loved one’s addiction. Her approach is rooted in the belief that life’s challenges shape us but do not define us.
