When you’ve gone through tough things in your life, it can be hard to trust someone with your story, your pain, and the burden of shame and guilt that trauma carries. It wasn’t long ago in my journey; the only people I could trust were my husband, my first-grade teacher, my hairdresser, and my therapist. Even then, I only chose to share the really dark parts of my life with one person. My therapist. She had been my guide and taught me to surrender my guilt and shame and replace it with compassion and self-love. Now, I live a vibrant, heart lead life as a creative person, wife, therapist-intern, and so much more.

When you’d open the contents of my life, you’d see I didn’t graduate high school. You’d see a vulnerable small-town teen that ran away from a not-so-safe home and started over with $700 and a Tracfone in a different city and state. You’d see my 20-something self struggling to make ends meet, doing the best I could anyway I could. You’d see me hiding my anxiety, depression, and eating disorder behind a facade of jobs, academic successes, successful men, and alcohol. You’d see me shapeshift myself to fit into people’s lives because I didn’t know who I was. If you’d look deep down, you’d see me wanting someone to rescue me. Finally, you’d see my life hit rock bottom in 2017 after a traumatic experience. I couldn’t tolerate any more b.s. in my life.  I realized that I had to be the one to save myself. I had to choose to rescue myself and let go of this belief that “I’d rather die than go to therapy and face my pain.” When it came to that moment–I chose therapy.

Amongst the many things I’ve learned, there are three important ones. One,  never judge a part of you by its facade or contents. Your parts are doing everything they can to keep you safe. They just need your compassion and love. You’re the perfect one to give yourself that. Two, spray tan and therapy don’t go together [you can ask me about that.]. Three, humor is the balm to the tenderness of trauma; laugh as often as you can.

I took my life’s traumas and experienced Post Traumatic Growth through therapy.  From 2017 to the edge of 2020, I devoted myself to healing; as I did, the world seemed to fall apart. With no guarantee, at the peak of the pandemic, I decided to go back to graduate school for a Master’s in Clinical Mental Health. I specialized in the things that helped me, so I could help others. I’ve trained and certified as a yoga teacher and nature and wilderness therapist through the Somatic Wilderness Therapy Institute in Boulder, CO, in addition to the rigorous master’s program I am a part of.