Vervewell

Thoughtfully and Thakfully

Beth Lewis — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 15:43:23 +0000

It’s Thanksgiving week.

Typically, not always, but usually, families gather for this holiday. Some have an entire week away from their office, their professional world, some only a day or two. Either way, the assignment is typically gratitude, the assumption is thankfulness. Yet for many, visiting family, extra expenses, time away from routine, offer stressful feelings and triggered reactions, making gratitude and thankfulness feel like a pipe dream, allowing anxiety and defensiveness to hold premium real estate in our thoughts and behaviors.

Our feelings are derived from our thoughts, and the way we think about things is a habit, a default setting, often a format deeply embedded from our childhood. The good news about this is, believe it or not, we have the choice to choose our thoughts, at every turn, therefore, directing how we feel at any given moment. That’s so cool, amazing really, but the choosing of our thoughts is a hard habit to break. It takes practice, for sure, as we are breaking a deeply embedded habit of HOW we think about certain things, which in turn generates feelings that can either make us or break us. I expand upon this in my Rethink Method, which travels us through the steps that take us from triggers to outcome: something happens, we think about it, which passes us to a feeling, which determines our next step, which gives us our results, or life experience. But for the sake of this email, I’ll give you a simple hack that truncates this idea.

Come up with a word. A word that tells your brain to generate thoughts of depth and love, and to do it pronto, do it now. A word that, when whispered to ourselves, rushes OUT the negative thinking and anxious feelings, and quickly floods our mind with all things that hold light and love.

You may use my word if you don’t have your own. I came up with mine years ago as I was walking on the Trinity Trail in Fort Worth, Texas.

ENGULF.

That’s right, I rattle it off again and again. Engulf, engulf, engulf.

ENGULF is an acronym that stands for: Energy, Nature, God, Universe, Love and Faith.

I know, I know, each of these is such a giant concept, but for me, gathering these words in a row, piling up these concepts, offers direction to my own mind. Instead of any habitually placed swirling thoughts that may pull down my feelings, I fill my mind with these beautiful, intentional words. The occupancy of these ideas in my mind evicts anxiety from my body rather promptly, taking me from trigger to outcome in a lifted, concise and prompt way. The more I practice this hack, the more quickly my feelings improve.

The Vervewell therapists are a busy team this week. Please do not hesitate to get on our calendar as we will be seeing clients a few days this holiday week, while we take a couple of days to be with our families and loved ones.

We are so glad you are here.

In wellness,

Beth and the Vervewell Team

(Heather, Jason, Blake and Casye…and GumBeaux the always precious therapy dog)

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You Are Who You Attract

Beth Lewis — Tue, 19 Nov 2024 19:42:14 +0000

Some days are easier than others, better than others, some days are more melancholy than the day before. Yet each day I generate gratitude for my ability to breathe, to move without pain, to check my blood sugar levels and be ok with the results (my family plays around with diabetes, so I stay informed with my own body). Each day I am grateful for bravery. I am careful not to confuse bravery with fearlessness, as I feel fear often. Bravery is the tenacity that shows up, regardless of fear.

I found a jogging/walking route near Brown University here in Providence and I find myself building my jog back up to a decent pace over the three mile path. I am enamored with the beauty of this city: the fall colors, the crisp leaves all over the brick streets, the beautiful and grand homes providing a gorgeous backdrop to the bright red and orange leaves that remain on some of the beautiful trees. Admittedly, I am awestruck.

While I stay in daily contact with my Vervewell staff in Fort Worth (my team is so communicative and connected with me and with each other, which warms my heart at every turn), I spend many hours a week finding my way in this new city, my new home. I live in a neighborhood referred to as Providence’s Little Italy. I hear people speaking Italian often and the interactions among those I watch is different than how it is in Texas. There is a sense of privacy around each person, a protectedness, if you will. There are less smiles and less eye contact. I was in Texas for 42 years; a length of time that allowed me to accept Texas’ niceties and hospitalities as the standards for passing exchanges. I am adapting to the different.

My biggest task most days, however, is to shed my loneliness. While I was alone in Texas, I knew people. I don’t know anyone here. I live alone (though my two cats DO fill my home with personality), I work alone, I see clients most days, but through a laptop screen and camera. I go to dinner alone, I venture out for a happy hour…alone. This isn’t a sad story, really, it isn’t. I like being alone most of the time, but some of the time, it’s, well, lonely.

Since landing here in Rhode Island, I can feel myself opening up, shedding my loneliness, as I say. I have done some big growing out here on this nomadically northeastern adventure, and in my last handful of years, as well. My self discovery has been keen, big, strong. My bravery has strengthened. And as the writer of the statement I say to my clients regularly: we are who we attract, I am finally interested in attracting others who have also grown a version of themselves of whom they are proud. I am proud of this version of me. I am confident I will attract new friends who share a level of transparency that looks somewhat like mine. I hope so.

I love my work with my couples, marriages, families. I watch husbands and wives, spouses, rally for their relationships. I watch them use my ideas for healthier communication, for connectedness. I watch them grow versions of themselves that offer more love, more transparency, more vulnerability through some of their more challenging chapters. I watch them grow closer even if they had to fall apart first.

Once I wrap up this page, I will head to my jogging trail, where I will build my physical pace up to a relatively healthy and strong cadence. And I will walk through my day today, and the days ahead with a sense of openness, availability, curiosity, transparency, vulnerability, bravery. And I will build my emotional pace to one that is relatively healthy and strong. I am who I attract.

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Lifting Your Life

Beth Lewis — Tue, 12 Nov 2024 20:58:23 +0000

Thank you for trusting your Vervewell therapist(s) to be in your corner, your family’s corner, in the corner of your important relationships. We are honored to be of service in your world, no matter where you are, no matter what you may be experiencing.

In addition to your regular sessions at Vervewell (or virtually), please take a look at Beth’s new website that offers her brand of therapeutic coaching in 21-day virtual courses. Her riches, as she calls them, are sure to lift your life, in your space, at your pace. What a GIFT to your mental health, your on-going well being, and your heightened level of self-care.

http://LongLiveLively.org Riches for wellness

And, as always, do not hesitate to schedule with your Vervewell therapist. Contact them directly, or hop on our calendar by clicking here:

http://Vervewell.org. Therapy for Everyone

In health and wellness, I am so glad you are here…

Beth and the Vervewell Team

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From Carbon to Diamonds

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:53 +0000

How do you handle your stressors when they show up?

Here is an idea that I’ve used with clients that yields results: less anxiety, positive and productive thoughts, peaceful and happy and beautiful results.

Stress happens for everyone. Even further, and as a matter of fact, diamonds are created from intense stress on carbon atoms. This tidbit of information has stuck with me since it was introduced to me in a high school science class. The carbon atoms experience the stress and use it to form something beautiful. A diamond can’t exist without intense stress taking place first.

So I do my best to experience my stress as something I can handle, even further, I typically try to use the anxious energy to create something beautiful. Step one in doing this is to let go of the resistance for the stress. When I find myself resisting the stress, saying things like “I just need this anxiety to go away” or “once I am past this intensely stressful time, it will all be better”, I find no relief. That is because those thoughts keep me in a stressful place that is full of resistance to the stress, which creates an energy within me that actually wards OFF peace or productivity and attracts more, you guessed it, stress.

When stress rears its ugly head, I’ve decided to look for its potential, instead. Stress is a feeling that tells me that I am in a position to create something beautiful, if I simply decide to experience it that way, like the carbon atom.

To help let go of the resistance to stress so that I can experience its power, I say things to myself like “I accept this stress” or “I am perfectly safe and peaceful as I experience this stress” or even better, “I am so grateful to have the opportunity to experience stress well, and to use it for something good”. Thoughts like these will create an inner energy that matches the energy of productivity or positivity, which leaves you open to attract productivity and positivity, therefore experiencing relief and peace.

You are the driver of your thoughts. Generate resistant-proof thoughts that connect you to your best potential, and that offer you opportunity to create diamonds from carbon atoms.

You’ve got this, dear ones.Schedule with a Vervewell therapist today, we are all welcoming new clients, either in office (Fort Worth, TX) or virtually.

I see clients virtually only.

In health and wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and therapist/coach at Vervewell: therapy for everyone

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How do you relationship?

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:34 +0000

How do you relationship?

As a therapist working with couples regularly, I am very aware that we humans are dynamic in nature, we ebb and flow within moods, hormones, triggers. We keep a keen eye on the external world and how we drive those factors: financial being a main irritant, or key ingredient in the recipe of ease. We live in a culture that suggests the harder we work, the better we can provide, even if at the cost of all things love and family.

My work with couples is some of my favorite. Some of them come in with divorce on their mind. I am honored with each pair who allows me into their private world. I am invested, to say the least, in supporting their love for each other, even if, especially when, one or both are tired, exhausted really, with family, finances, kids, and lack of connection within the core of their home: their marriage, their relationship, their partnership.

Marriages house many layers, this I know, but for the sake of this email, I want to lovingly suggest that you dial in ONE plan of action that will light UP your partner. This will have to be a mindful, thoughtful effort, because likely the lack of mindfulness is what has been the leader in any disconnect being experienced between you and your partner as of late.

Keep this in mind. Staying married so as to not upset children with divorce is only a good idea if that marriage demonstrates love and support, to name a couple of basic good things. A marriage that stays together, but is rich with arguments, disrespect, or even silence can be as unkind to children as an ugly divorce.

So, in the spirit of reconnecting…and for all things love and family, let’s build, or re-build, love and support within the core of your home: your marriage, your relationship, your partnership.

Let’s start with the suggested simple exercise of SEEING your partner. Even if what lights UP your partner is not necessarily something YOU enjoy, let’s do this exercise with a sense of selflessness.

Put something into place that you know will mean a lot to your spouse, and extend the invitation to them. It doesn’t have to cost a lot, yet I DO recommend it’s a plan that does not involve the children. You may have to take an hour or so away from work one day this month to execute your plan, you may have to hire a sitter, you may have to disrupt your usual routine to dial this in, but trust me, all are steps towards strengthening and supporting your relationship. All are steps worth taking.

Be good to yourself, be good to your partner.

Relationship/couples therapy is an excellent way to grow together, to reconnect.

I am here for you and yours.

You’ve got this, dear ones.

In wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder of Vervewell

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Hey, Driver…

Beth Lewis — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 17:07:20 +0000

My suggestion for you and your week ahead is to see how the following morning routine can help you determine a strong and healthy, out of the blahs and humdrums, clear of feeling anxious or down sort of day(s)…

We are all guilty of waking up, grabbing our phones, scrolling through this app and that app, hitting snooze and falling back to some cheapened version of sleep only to wake after a series of eight minute imposter naps, even foggier than we were before. We then wobble our sleepy selves to the bathroom, glance at our face in the mirror which we meet with a multitude of subconscious judgments, albeit some of those judgments are rather front and center conscious level, only to lug our exhausted selves to the kitchen to push “start” on the coffee maker, and that’s only if we were organized enough the night before to set up such a luxury for the morning.

Come on, man…you are the driver of this ship. You can drive much better than this.

Step 1:

Be aware that YOU are the driver. You are not the recipient of your life, you are the maker of your life, the curator of your mindset. Decide that now. Believe that now. This mindset changes everything.

Step 2:

Set your bedroom up as the restful space it needs to be to support you as you sleep. Clear your bedroom of work, kids’ toys, dirty dishes. Remove the dirty clothes to the laundry room. Have your phone charger across the room so that your phone is not next to you while you sleep. Make your bed each morning so it is the respite it needs to be each night.

Step 3:

Before you fall off to sleep, make sure you have had no screen time for the last 45 minutes, if not longer. Have a journal of some sort accessible and write a list of things for which you’re grateful. Seriously. This list will have you a bit warmer and fuzzier than the minutes before you wrote the list. Drift off to sleep. If you wake in the night, do not grab your phone to pass the time. Grab a journal instead and jot down what’s on your mind.

Step 4:

Give your snooze button the week off. For real. When you wake, do not push snooze on your alarm. Likely you’re using your phone alarm anyway, which should be across the room on its charger. Climb out of bed and cross the room to turn it off and find your way to another journal located somewhere other than your bedroom. I am a believer in having a small collection of journals peppered throughout the home. I live by myself, so this is likely easier than if you have others who you don’t necessarily want to see your journals. This is normal, trust me, we all value our privacy. With that, teach others with whom you live, to value your privacy, just as you will value their’s. Sit with your morning journal and map out how you will experience the day. THIS IS THE BIG DOG of determining the outcome of your day, that’s right, simply decide.

A strong strategy in deciding the outcome of your day is selecting supportive verbiage, therefore, a strong mindset, a total game changer.

Here are some examples:

I will enter my day with “first day energy” (remember your first day on the job? How focused you were, how curious and interested you were to meet others and to learn the ropes?).

I will use a lens of compassion towards others, as they are just as human as I am. They, too, likely looked in the mirror this morning and judged themselves.

I will pay attention to the details today. I will focus on being a good listener.

I will experience deadlines as opportunities for me to shine.

I will acknowledge that (most) deadlines are pliable.

I will find my beauty with every glance in the mirror.

Note that these statements aren’t things like:

I will have a GOOD day.
I will be happy, damnit.
Everything will be wonderful today.
My life is one amazingly beautiful rainbow.

While those are awesome sentiments, they set us up to “fail” because it is highly likely that SOMEthing challenging will happen in your day, that someone will be an ass, that keys will get misplaced, that milk will get spilled, but it’s how we RESPOND to these annoyances that make or break us. And how we respond is a decision to be made in advance… and noted in our morning journals.

Godspeed, dear ones. You’ve got this.

In wellness,
Beth Clardy Lewis
Founder at Vervewell
Founder and Maker at LongLiveLively.org
Author: Stop Talking About Your Childhood (self help for a strong adulthood)
To schedule 1:1 sessions with Beth, click here

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Face Value

Beth Lewis — Wed, 09 Oct 2024 16:53:13 +0000

I have a goal for you for the week ahead. I encourage you to participate in, what I call, Face Value Communication. I use this simple idea with my couples and clients regularly. Here’s how it works.

Not only will YOU say what you mean and mean what you say, but I want you to work under the impression that ANYONE ELSE with whom you communicate is doing the same. That is the bigger part of the challenge, especially when we’ve been conditioned by our significant others or our families or our friends to “read between the lines” and ultimately pull the actual meaning out of each other. While this is a very common way for couples to communicate, it is NOT a productive way to communicate well.

Here is an example of what I am encouraging:

YOU: (to your significant other/SO): “I am getting hungry. What would you like to do for dinner?”

SO: “I’m not that hungry. You decide.”

This is typically where you may find yourself engaging in the “read between the lines” tendencies of which we are all guilty of doing. Instead of Face Value, which I will explain after this example, you may say something like:

YOU: “But I can tell you’re getting grumpy because I heard you snapping at the dog earlier. I know you, you’re hungry.”

SO: “I ate a late lunch. I’m not hungry.”

YOU: “Let’s go to that Italian restaurant you like so much.”

SO: “I thought you had Italian with your girlfriends last night. You want Italian again tonight?”

YOU: “Not really, but I know it’s your favorite and you need to eat.”

Holy cow, you get my drift. Let’s do this conversation using my Face Value approach.

YOU (to your SO): “I am getting hungry. What would you like for dinner?”

SO: “I’m not that hungry. You decide.”

YOU: “Ok. I had Italian last night with my girlfriends, so I am thinking sushi tonight. How does that sound?”

SO: “That works for me.”

YOU: “Perfect. Let’s head out in about thirty minutes. Does that work with your schedule?”

SO: “Can we make it an hour so I can wrap up this work thing?”

YOU: “Can you wrap up that work thing in 30 minutes? I’m very hungry.”

SO: “Actually, I can do that. I’ll be ready in 30.”

I know, I know, that is an easy example with a very agreeable exchange. Face Value communication stops the “read between the lines” style of conversation, or arguing. When someone says something, “simply” believe what they are saying as their truth. I put simply in quotes because I know it’s not that simple at first, but this practice gets easier the more you do it. Stop trying to pull their truth out of them, EVEN IF YOU KNOW what they are saying is in fact NOT their truth. They are speaking passive aggressively to GET YOU to pull out their truth, because they’ve likely been conditioned to do so, and/or the two of you have trained each other to do so. It’s this passive aggressive, read between the lines, pull my truth out for me type of communication that shuts us down, gets us yelling, or has us feeling we are not being heard, simply put: read between the lines trips all of us up.

So for the week ahead, I encourage you to pay attention to how you speak and how you hear and how you engage. Offer only face value speaking: say what you mean, mean what you say. And offer only face value listening: believe what they say the first time as their truth.

By doing this, we teach our important relationships HOW to communicate well. We teach each other to speak our truth the first time. We teach each other that our truths are safe here, that our relationship is a space where our words are honored.

Send me your feedback! I love hearing about YOU and your important people.

In wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis
Founder at Vervewell
Founder and Maker at LongLiveLively.org
Author: Stop Talking About Your Childhood (self help for a strong adulthood)
To schedule 1:1 sessions with Beth, click here

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Think About This

Beth Lewis — Wed, 02 Oct 2024 12:18:58 +0000

Think About This

For someone who just released her first self-help book, makes a living as a seasoned psychotherapist, and is launching a website for digital courses on self-help and personal growth topics in a matter of weeks, I am having far too many negative thoughts, and much too many sleepless nights.

I’ve been feeling a lot of fear lately, which keeps me awake. Mostly due to being alone around the clock while on this nomadically northeast adventure. My two cats are great, for sure, but our conversations are limited due to some language barriers.

The fear also crept in because of some not-so-desirable things happening for me since I’ve been on this adventure. Things I did not see coming, things for which I did not plan. Over the last few years I’ve learned that historically, my go to mind set when the not-so-desirable happens, is to wrestle with the things, to judge and shame myself because of the things, to fear the things, to put up my dukes and wrap myself with resistance because of the things, and to fixate on and try to fix all the things. It is here where I’m learning the delicious art of letting go. For so many years prior to now, letting go was something I didn’t really understand, therefore I didn’t know how to do it. So I held on instead.

Early this morning I pulled the blanket from my bed, wrapped it around me and piled myself on to the sofa so I could stare at a different ceiling. And I got busy thinking. My book, as well as one of my digital courses dives rather deeply into one of my therapy methods which outlines how our thoughts are the drivers of our everyday outcomes. Our thoughts happen first, our outcomes follow suit. However, what we typically do as humans is generate thoughts that are in reaction to our daily outcomes. Something happens, and our thoughts become directed by what happens, we get consumed with thoughts of problem solving or hiding, and by doing so, we open ourselves to likely attract more of that not-so-desirable outcome. Because, in fact, contrary to our tendencies, thoughts do come first, and our everyday outcomes follow suit, not the other way around.

Let me be clear, there are a lot of things out there over which we have no control, that are not to be put in the category of “everyday outcomes” and our thoughts will, indeed, be in response to those things, not the driver of those things. We don’t think our way to the death of a loved one, or being stolen from financially or physically, but we do have managerial power over how our thoughts flow after loss and trauma. With a strong therapist, healthy processing and thought direction can lead us to healing and wellness.

Join me, will you? I need the company. Let’s guide our thoughts today, away from small and punitive all the way to big, bright, healthy, lovely, dreamy. If you are in a situation today that is not-so-desirable, allow yourself to let go anyway, to choose joyful and loving and lifted thoughts and feelings. Let go of your resistance, your defensiveness, your inner dialogue that is shaming and cruel to you. Realize that there is no conflict here. Let go of trying to appeal to everyone else before yourself. Let go of fear. Welcome in healing and healthier thoughts. And if you’d like to take this game up a bit, rethink about your not-so-pleasant situation. Come up with a new way to look at it, a new way to experience it, ideally a way that inspires productive and strong thoughts and feelings and therefore, inspired action, desired change. YOU are the writer of this story, your very own mastermind. You are who holds beliefs about yourself and you make them come true. If we are capable of drawing less than desirable situations to ourselves because subconsciously we become consumed with the undesirable, then we can also pull the dreamiest outcomes our way by thinking differently about the undesirable, turning it into something we are experiencing so as to learn and apply better thoughts, so as to attract more of the desirable, so as to live all of our dreams.

What if everything is actually working out? What if things are actually happening FOR you, not TO you? What if this is just a smaller piece of a much bigger path? What if this is just the gloomier page of a truly happy story? Our thoughts are energetic forces and our feelings are magnetic pulls. Our thoughts absolutely determine our everyday experiences. Adjusting our thoughts is a daily practice. It’s a birthright, joy. Think about that.

In wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis

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Keeping the Home Fires Burning

Beth Lewis — Fri, 24 May 2024 10:00:44 +0000

I’ve officially gone through every closet, every drawer, every room, the garage, my storage space…I’ve organized, cleaned out, purged, donated, sold, sorted all of it. My storage space is so tidy and neatly filled with the things I find worthy of keeping: winter clothes, some beautiful Christmas ornaments, as well as a stack of gorgeous Lenox platinum dishes with which I simply can’t yet part ways. The Vervewell offices now house the modest art, photography, and record collections I gathered over my forty plus years in Texas, which, in my opinion, fill each space with soul.

I’ve done what has been asked of me before I move, before I relocate, wander, explore, find. I have turned “my home” into “their Air B&B”. You, too, can rent my home for your guests beginning in June of this year. It’s a lovely space. It’s where I wrote my book. It’s where I turned a corner.

All I have left to do is a practice run of packing my daughter’s car with what I plan to take w me. If some things won’t fit, they will be left in my storage, or donated.

Dare I say, I am ready. Now…I count down days…34, 33, 32…27, 26, 25…13, 12, 11…

While I will be back every four to six weeks indefinitely, I will miss my daily connection with the Vervewell offices and, specifically, my staff, who are, more accurately, my friends. Thankfully, technology is such that daily communication can be a strong existence between me and them. Please allow one of them to be your therapist. I promise this will become a relationship of support, trust, confidentiality and the always needed, personal growth. That is the goal of therapy: personal growth. Some say the goal is to heal, which is also accurate. Whatever your reason, I encourage you to be the keeper of such a solid connection, a gift to your soul.

I am not leaving, I am relocating…going. I am still seeing clients through Vervewell telehealth. My clients will catch me in various backdrops, some still yet to be determined: Hudson, NY, Barnstable, MA, Newport, RI, Mystic, CT as I submerge myself into various locations, cultures, experiencing life as me, no longer as my things.

I am proud that Vervewell is strong enough to do this.

That’s some good therapy. You are in the best hands, with each therapy room full of soul.

Accept nothing less.

In personal growth and healing,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director
Vervewell: therapy for everyone

P.S.

My first book launches this Summer:

Stop Talking About Your Childhood:
one therapist’s personal memoir & 21-day strategy to strengthen adulthood
and focus forward, forever

My self-help website/platform launches this Fall:

LongLiveLively.org

All the while, Vervewell is keeping the home fires burning.

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Not today, anxiety, not today

Beth Lewis — Fri, 10 May 2024 10:00:01 +0000

Every now and then anxiety trips me up. It drapes itself around me and gets the best of me. I become small under its massive, oppressive presence. And in my smallness, I feel fear. Anxiety is a beast, and every now and then, I am its prey.

Because of this unbearable heaviness of being, I have come up with a method to help myself shake this seemingly unshakeable discomfort. This method not only has helped me, it has also helped my clients.

the Rethink method:

This method is explained in depth in my upcoming book (release: Summer 2024).

The basic jist is:

Something happens
We apply a thought/belief to it
The thought/belief generates feelings
The feelings direct our actions
Our actions yield our results

EXAMPLE 1:

Financial stress/anxiety:

A credit card bill arrives in the mail
As soon as you see the MasterCard logo on the envelope you think: Aaaargh! I can’t afford this! I am so bad with money! Why did I spend so much on my credit card last month?!!! I’m doomed!
Anxiety floods over you, as do profound feelings of lack and loss
You tear up the bill, ignore it, or you spend more because retail therapy is a medicine that got you here in the first place (can you say: vicious cycle?)
You are overdrawn even more

Let’s Rethink this:

A credit card bill arrives in the mail
As soon as you see the MasterCard logo on the envelope you think: Ok, here it is, the amount I need to pay. What a great opportunity to believe in my financial strength. I am so grateful for this opportunity to show up financially, and for my financial ability and perserverence
Peace surrounds you, as does gratitude
You open the bill and immediately contact the company to either set up payments, or to pay the bill in full
You are within your budget and hold excitement towards your financial capabilities

Example 2:

Relationship stress/anxiety:

A breakup is happening
Whether the breakup is by your design, or orchestrated from your soon-to-be-ex, you find yourself thinking, blaming him or her or them or yourself for being not good enough, for being selfish or narcissistic (we love this label these days)
You feel abandoned, or cruel or misunderstood
You over-consume to self-medicate (be it consumption of food, alcohol, shopping, or sex)
You are left deflated, manic, depressed, out of sorts

Let’s Rethink this:

A breakup is happening
Whether the breakup is your design, or orchestrated by your soon to be ex, you decide to think/believe from an accountable place (not a blame place, but an accountable place, there is a difference): I am ready to personally grow, this is opportunity to address some personal shortcomings…I am not responsible for the shortcomings of my soon-to-be-ex, those are theirs to manage, however they decide to do so.
You feel healthy, grown up, capable of managing any discomfort
You take action. You journal more frequently, you schedule sessions with your therapist, you gather friends for company, you take yourself (and your dog) on long walks while listening to your favorite music or your favorite podcast.
You find yourself in a position that is a stronger and healthier version of you

While anxiety is an oppressor, believe it or not, it is in your power to determine just how “oppressible” you are. By exploring your thoughts and beliefs around an incident and shifting them to a productive place, you are redirecting your results. You are rethinking.

Your therapist is here for you. Take productive, strong action and schedule some sessions, or some extra sessions. Let’s do a deep dive into just how capable, how non-oppressible you are.

In healing and personal growth,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
and the Vervewell staff
Vervewell.org

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