The post Hey, Driver… appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>My suggestion for you and your week ahead is to see how the following morning routine can help you determine a strong and healthy, out of the blahs and humdrums, clear of feeling anxious or down sort of day(s)…
We are all guilty of waking up, grabbing our phones, scrolling through this app and that app, hitting snooze and falling back to some cheapened version of sleep only to wake after a series of eight minute imposter naps, even foggier than we were before. We then wobble our sleepy selves to the bathroom, glance at our face in the mirror which we meet with a multitude of subconscious judgments, albeit some of those judgments are rather front and center conscious level, only to lug our exhausted selves to the kitchen to push “start” on the coffee maker, and that’s only if we were organized enough the night before to set up such a luxury for the morning.
Come on, man…you are the driver of this ship. You can drive much better than this.
Step 1:
Be aware that YOU are the driver. You are not the recipient of your life, you are the maker of your life, the curator of your mindset. Decide that now. Believe that now. This mindset changes everything.
Step 2:
Set your bedroom up as the restful space it needs to be to support you as you sleep. Clear your bedroom of work, kids’ toys, dirty dishes. Remove the dirty clothes to the laundry room. Have your phone charger across the room so that your phone is not next to you while you sleep. Make your bed each morning so it is the respite it needs to be each night.
Step 3:
Before you fall off to sleep, make sure you have had no screen time for the last 45 minutes, if not longer. Have a journal of some sort accessible and write a list of things for which you’re grateful. Seriously. This list will have you a bit warmer and fuzzier than the minutes before you wrote the list. Drift off to sleep. If you wake in the night, do not grab your phone to pass the time. Grab a journal instead and jot down what’s on your mind.
Step 4:
Give your snooze button the week off. For real. When you wake, do not push snooze on your alarm. Likely you’re using your phone alarm anyway, which should be across the room on its charger. Climb out of bed and cross the room to turn it off and find your way to another journal located somewhere other than your bedroom. I am a believer in having a small collection of journals peppered throughout the home. I live by myself, so this is likely easier than if you have others who you don’t necessarily want to see your journals. This is normal, trust me, we all value our privacy. With that, teach others with whom you live, to value your privacy, just as you will value their’s. Sit with your morning journal and map out how you will experience the day. THIS IS THE BIG DOG of determining the outcome of your day, that’s right, simply decide.
A strong strategy in deciding the outcome of your day is selecting supportive verbiage, therefore, a strong mindset, a total game changer.
Here are some examples:
I will enter my day with “first day energy” (remember your first day on the job? How focused you were, how curious and interested you were to meet others and to learn the ropes?).
I will use a lens of compassion towards others, as they are just as human as I am. They, too, likely looked in the mirror this morning and judged themselves.
I will pay attention to the details today. I will focus on being a good listener.
I will experience deadlines as opportunities for me to shine.
I will acknowledge that (most) deadlines are pliable.
I will find my beauty with every glance in the mirror.
Note that these statements aren’t things like:
I will have a GOOD day.
I will be happy, damnit.
Everything will be wonderful today.
My life is one amazingly beautiful rainbow.
While those are awesome sentiments, they set us up to “fail” because it is highly likely that SOMEthing challenging will happen in your day, that someone will be an ass, that keys will get misplaced, that milk will get spilled, but it’s how we RESPOND to these annoyances that make or break us. And how we respond is a decision to be made in advance… and noted in our morning journals.
Godspeed, dear ones. You’ve got this.
In wellness,
Beth Clardy Lewis
Founder at Vervewell
Founder and Maker at LongLiveLively.org
Author: Stop Talking About Your Childhood (self help for a strong adulthood)
To schedule 1:1 sessions with Beth, click here
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]]>The post Keeping the Home Fires Burning appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>I’ve officially gone through every closet, every drawer, every room, the garage, my storage space…I’ve organized, cleaned out, purged, donated, sold, sorted all of it. My storage space is so tidy and neatly filled with the things I find worthy of keeping: winter clothes, some beautiful Christmas ornaments, as well as a stack of gorgeous Lenox platinum dishes with which I simply can’t yet part ways. The Vervewell offices now house the modest art, photography, and record collections I gathered over my forty plus years in Texas, which, in my opinion, fill each space with soul.
I’ve done what has been asked of me before I move, before I relocate, wander, explore, find. I have turned “my home” into “their Air B&B”. You, too, can rent my home for your guests beginning in June of this year. It’s a lovely space. It’s where I wrote my book. It’s where I turned a corner.
All I have left to do is a practice run of packing my daughter’s car with what I plan to take w me. If some things won’t fit, they will be left in my storage, or donated.
Dare I say, I am ready. Now…I count down days…34, 33, 32…27, 26, 25…13, 12, 11…
While I will be back every four to six weeks indefinitely, I will miss my daily connection with the Vervewell offices and, specifically, my staff, who are, more accurately, my friends. Thankfully, technology is such that daily communication can be a strong existence between me and them. Please allow one of them to be your therapist. I promise this will become a relationship of support, trust, confidentiality and the always needed, personal growth. That is the goal of therapy: personal growth. Some say the goal is to heal, which is also accurate. Whatever your reason, I encourage you to be the keeper of such a solid connection, a gift to your soul.
I am not leaving, I am relocating…going. I am still seeing clients through Vervewell telehealth. My clients will catch me in various backdrops, some still yet to be determined: Hudson, NY, Barnstable, MA, Newport, RI, Mystic, CT as I submerge myself into various locations, cultures, experiencing life as me, no longer as my things.
I am proud that Vervewell is strong enough to do this.
That’s some good therapy. You are in the best hands, with each therapy room full of soul.
Accept nothing less.
In personal growth and healing,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director
Vervewell: therapy for everyone
P.S.
My first book launches this Summer:
Stop Talking About Your Childhood:
one therapist’s personal memoir & 21-day strategy to strengthen adulthood
and focus forward, forever
My self-help website/platform launches this Fall:
LongLiveLively.org
All the while, Vervewell is keeping the home fires burning.
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]]>The post Not today, anxiety, not today appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>Every now and then anxiety trips me up. It drapes itself around me and gets the best of me. I become small under its massive, oppressive presence. And in my smallness, I feel fear. Anxiety is a beast, and every now and then, I am its prey.
Because of this unbearable heaviness of being, I have come up with a method to help myself shake this seemingly unshakeable discomfort. This method not only has helped me, it has also helped my clients.
the Rethink method:
This method is explained in depth in my upcoming book (release: Summer 2024).
The basic jist is:
EXAMPLE 1:
Financial stress/anxiety:
Let’s Rethink this:
Example 2:
Relationship stress/anxiety:
Let’s Rethink this:
While anxiety is an oppressor, believe it or not, it is in your power to determine just how “oppressible” you are. By exploring your thoughts and beliefs around an incident and shifting them to a productive place, you are redirecting your results. You are rethinking.
Your therapist is here for you. Take productive, strong action and schedule some sessions, or some extra sessions. Let’s do a deep dive into just how capable, how non-oppressible you are.
In healing and personal growth,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
and the Vervewell staff
Vervewell.org
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]]>The post THANK YOU to each of you appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>I’ll make this email short and sweet. THANK YOU to each of you who take the time to read these emails, as well as those of you who construct a kind reply. Connecting with our clients means the world to each of us therapists here at Vervewell.
Admittedly, I’m TIRED this week, which is why this will stay short.
I’ve been thinking a lot about how to be good to myself, and why it’s so important to do so.
And no matter how difficult or complicated or deep I try to make it, I come back to this simple idea:
When I am good to myself, the happier I feel, and the happier I feel, the more genuinely available I am to those who are wanting to connect with me (maybe that’s my child, my parent, my brother or sister, my co-worker, my best friend, my sweet cats who talk to me each time I come home from wherever I’ve been).
For the love of those who love you, be good to you.
That’s it for this email.
In helpfulness,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director
Vervewell.org
Coming SOON:
Beth is taking her clients along on her nomadic adventure as she explores various small towns in the northeast. She is switching her clients to telehealth or phone calls (instead of in person). If you’d like to get on her schedule, and go along for the ride, please do so at Vervewell.org. Her Nomadically Northeast experience begins Monday, June 3, 2024. Feel free to get on her calendar before she relocates, so you can see the charming Vervewell offices beforehand.
Virtually Vervewell is in the works! This will be a link on the Vervewell website that offers on-line/virtual therapy and coaching courses. This link will also have Beth’s book for sale upon its release on June 1, 2024.
So much GROWTH at Vervewell, all so that we can extend our hands to offer more and more methods for personal growth, stronger relationships, and healthiest lifestyles. We got you!
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]]>As we celebrate the “Hallmark Holiday” as many like to call Valentine’s Day, I’d like to honor the things for which I’m grateful…I encourage you to do this journal-entry-type-exercise, too. When we shine a light on all the GOOD, the more space we create to be of service to others, as well as to receive the love and gratitude of others, not to mention the love and good energy that others will feel from us. Being an active participant in the love and the good of your world is an awesome thing. If we select to do one thing well, let it be this one: let it be love.
I am grateful for this old lap-top.
I am grateful for my fingers that move swiftly as I type, so far, arthritis free, even though it runs in my family.
I am grateful for the warm blanket wrapped around my legs as I sit this early morning composing this email. I am grateful that my blanket smells like fabric softener.
I am grateful for the two cats that are resting nearby. I am grateful for the personality they spill all over my home. I am grateful when Preston, the grey tabby, tangles himself within a roll of paper towels, full of fervor, offering me opportunity to exercise a better relationship with patience.
I am grateful for my daughter, her creative mind, her healthy body, and her willingness to think deeply more times than not. I am grateful to know her loving heart. I am grateful for the ability to invest in her growing life and mind. I am grateful my part of her expensive tuition, as it has offered me an on-going opportunity to show up financially. I am grateful for the life she has given to me simply by being her mother.
I am grateful for my mom, who at 82, still has a sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes. I am grateful that I can look to her for guidance. I am grateful for my stepdad who loves my mom very much. I am grateful for their demonstration that true love is real.
I am grateful for my older brother, who at 55, has become one of my closest friends.
I am grateful for my car, that it is spacious, comfortable, paid for, and will likely run for another 150,000 miles. I am grateful my car gets me to and from Dallas so that I can visit my brother, and other Dallas friends for whom I am also grateful. I am grateful that my car will be my vehicle to get me from Texas to the beautiful Northeast this summer and for the next year, as I will be nomadically living my life.
I am grateful for my career. I am grateful that I decided to go back to school when I was 31 to get an education which would ultimately allow me a path that is of service and support to others. I am grateful for each client and the honor of knowing them. I am grateful for their lives.
I am grateful for my older sister and our shared love for movies. I am grateful for our relationship as both of us get older, wiser, kinder, closer.
I am grateful for my staff who, somehow, gravitated towards my practice. I am grateful that they find support and stability to build a practice of their own that helps support their beautiful families. I am grateful to be a small part of each of their lives.
I am grateful for any financial rubs I’ve experienced throughout my adult life. I am grateful for each opportunity to pay a bill, or a debt. I am grateful for perspective adjustments.
I am grateful for tougher times, as each tough time gives me the opportunity to learn that I have exactly what I need to rise to a challenging occasion.
I am grateful for the friends who have given me space to stretch in the past couple of years as I have found my creative voice and medium. I am grateful that they believe in me. I am grateful for their understanding of me as I have tucked myself behind closed doors to devotedly write, create, and grow a version of me of whom I am proud.
I am grateful for the course correction I experienced in late 2022. I am grateful for the book I’ve written because of the course correction. I am grateful for the spiritual awakening I’ve experienced because of the course correction. I am grateful for deciding to use my course correction to be of better service to each client, to my daughter, to my family, to myself. I am again, and always, grateful for the beautiful ability to adjust my perspective.
I am grateful for my walks on the trail. I am grateful for my physical ability to experience so many miles, no matter the weather.
Now your turn.
In helpfulness,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director of Vervewell
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]]>The post Because I believe it to be so… appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>In the throes of a new year, I can’t help but to stare a bit more closely at our cultural relationship with self-discipline. And while I can clearly see that my self-discipline is (most of the time) strong, the bigger piece of this puzzle, the underlying item that makes or breaks my self-discipline, is my relationship with self-care, or the amount I BELIEVE that I deserve when it comes to health, wealth, and happiness.
Crazy, really, when I think about it. Could I still have thoughts, beliefs, at almost 54 years old, that subconsciously tell me regularly that I deserve what is less than abundant? Really?
The answer, is yes, I still have these thoughts, I still subconsciously honor these beliefs.
I waiver in and out of strong self-discipline because of the things I tell myself when I am at the brink of a precipice, collapsing back into my daily routine which I found undesirable, only days or weeks prior.
Most of the people I know can do anything for 21 days, or 30 days, or the month of January…but most of those same people (including me) struggle to maintain these things past the deadline upon which they’ve been focused. And THAT is the difference between deciding to apply self-discipline to achieve a goal or deciding to choose a shift in a BELIEF to achieve a lifestyle reshape.
If my beliefs around Dry January, for example, are: I will do it, but I’ll hate every moment of it…It will be hard…It is good for me to detox for 31 days, but come Feb 1…watch out!
Then I can bet my bottom dollar that ALL of that will be exactly how I feel during the 31 days of January. And if I BELIEVE these sentiments, and in turn I FEEL these sentiments, my behaviors will be in check for 31 days…and not a day longer, proving to myself that I, indeed, can successfully accomplish Dry January, but not a day more.
But what, then, do I do about how I take care of myself in February, March, April, and so on?
It’s ok to be an occasional drinker, that’s the key to balance, in my opinion. Just as it’s ok to be an occasional cupcake consumer. When I choose to overindulge more days than not, I am operating from a BELIEF that I am not deserving of all the good things* that balance offers.
Yet, I am! As are you.
So, now that Dry January is one for the books, let’s look at February, March, April and so on…
Look closely at the BELIEFS you hold about yourself. Are any of them limiting you? Are any of them allowing your inner groovy you to shine for only 30 days at a time? Are any of them manipulating you to believe that balance is boring?
Listen, I am in this boat with you, if in fact you are in this boat.
This past January (actually, all of 2023), I have been getting very honest with my self-BELIEFS, and as I’ve done so, a lot has changed. This honesty got me very UNcomfortable before it got me comfortable. But as I tell my clients again and again, our personal growth and gain is just past the discomfort. You will not find grand growth, or a life reshape if you stay “comfortable”. And the kicker? Likely, what we’ve been calling “comfortable”, is exactly what has been KEEPING us UNCOMFORTABLE, limited, oppressed.
If you desire to stretch, grow, or reshape, you must first take a very clear look at the BELIEFS you hold for yourself.
The THOUGHTS we have are our beliefs. And they can be limiting, or limitless. You decide.
If you’d like to explore this idea in more detail and with more determination, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I have a 21-day program that will exercise you right into new, stronger, more beautiful, and a hell of a lot more accurate BELIEFS about yourself.
In helpfulness,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director at Vervewell
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]]>The post SEASON 3 Of Our Podcast Is On Our Website… appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>Please enjoy our latest season of our Vervewell podcast, entitled:
This Won’t Be Done By 5.
I came up with this title, and this podcast many years ago. It gives a nod to the on-going process that is the human condition. My staff and I take the time to get transparent and personal and talk about therapeutic topics, as well as our own life stories and experiences.
It’s an easy listen. We hope you enjoy what you hear!
And if you have a topic, you’d like to hear us discuss in our future seasons, there is a link at the bottom of our podcast page for this exact thing.
Also, staff member Heather Chandler, LPC will be hosting a virtual TEEN GROUP beginning January 18!
Please email Heather for more information:
[email protected]
Thank you for continually letting Vervewell be in your corner. We love walking through life with you, your family, and your loved ones.
Best to each of you in this new year!
In helpfulness,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director at Vervewell
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]]>The post Well through Valentine’s Day… appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>Well, we did it. We have completed another year, whether successfully or unsuccessfully, it is now behind us. And the best part? Spread out ahead of us, month after month, is another year. Untapped, pliable, wide open real estate on our Gregorian calendar. What will you do with yours?
I have goals set, which I am SURE, like everyone else, WILL be met even well past February 14: the date that the bulk of America quits, begs it to stop, drops out of their once-upon-a-time, hand-to-god-type-swear-to-oneself that THIS year will be different, that this year, all-resolutions-WILL-be-seen-to-fruition type resolutions.
But, regardless of seemingly impossible odds, I have goals set. I am sure you do, too. Not resolutions, necessarily, as resolutions tend to get a bad rap, perhaps because we typically don’t land them. Instead, we quit them easily before Valentine’s Day. I like to set goals instead of resolutions. Perhaps this is a bit tomato/tomato, or a case in semantics, but for whatever reason, for me, “goals” offer less pressure than does the idea of “resolutions”.
Go get ‘em, this year! Map out your goals, or dare I say resolutions. For best results, spread them out over the next twelve months, four quarters, three hundred and sixty-five days. And whatever you do, whatever your goals, make sure you toss in the act of sending more love to your people, your friends, your family, your people. This is something that will truly make the world a better place: more love given. Don’t assume your people KNOW already. It’s best if you assume that they DON’T know how much you love them. And then take the time to let them know. You’ll never regret being a good, loving version of yourself. Maybe giving more love to your people can be your biggest goal…and maybe you can deliver such a nice idea…
well through Valentine’s Day…and everyday beyond.
Happy New Year!
In helpfulness,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director at Vervewell
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]]>The post …with an abundance of compassion appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>In a past email, I mentioned I have written a book. I am confident that it will be ready for self-publishing within the first quarter of 2024. My book is a self-help book, written in two parts. The first part is a memoir. Twelve chapters spelling out my personal stories, from birth to divorce, all the way identifying my childhood as my life’s driver. The second part is a twenty-one-day program I wrote while I was surviving my own grueling year. It is written with so much love and understanding, in hopes of guiding my readers out of anxiety, depression, compulsive behaviors and into a strong version of themselves, from worn out childhood driver to ready-to-go adult chauffeur. I’m hopeful that by transparently articulating my storyline, my short comings, I can offer comradery to my readers who may also have a childhood that has driven them off course into their adult lives, yet hold a desire to fire that childhood driver, and hire that adult chauffeur.
Here is a short quip from my manuscript:
The phone rang. I answered it quickly. The female voice on the other end spoke,
“May I speak to Dr. Clardy?”
Students calling my father was not too unusual. I yelled for my dad to get the phone and in that same breath, I recalled my mom’s voice: “When a man cheats on his wife, the woman with whom he is cheating will call the house.”
I made a split-second decision to test this theory of my mother’s, and I stayed on the line when my dad picked up. The female voice said with a purr,
“Gil, it’s me. I’m at your office. Tell your family you’re going to the grocery store. See you soon.”
I slammed down the phone so that my dad was sure to know that I knew. My mom was right. My head was spinning. I was filled with both rage and defeat. He opened my bedroom door slightly and could see that I was already crying. Gil, as I was no compelled to call him, looked past my sadness, and told me he needed to go to the grocery store. He shut my bedroom door, and shortly after, I heard his car leave the driveway.
I called Leah to come over immediately, as I wanted to chase him to his office; I wanted to barge into his rendezvous with the female voice on the other end of the phone. Leah arrived promptly, and when hearing my news, she cried with fury and hurt right along with me. We drove to the university and to Gil’s office. His car was parked alongside another car in the parking lot. Leah and I both had a strong desire to bust in on him and to yell our spitball words at both. Instead, Leah and I circled his office many times before we decided to just go home. While we were brave in her car, the reality of the hostile confrontation scared us both.
Once I was home, my dad arrived shortly after. He came to my room. He knew that I knew. I stood up from my bed, and through my puffy-tear-filled eyes, I told him that he needed to leave. I went on to say that his unhappiness and his absence were too painful for me and for my mom. I remember being filled with intense loyalty to her and the strongest desire to protect her. I wanted to protect her the way I wished someone would protect me in this dysfunctional train wreck of a family.
He smiled at me and said to me in his very usual, everything is ok tone, “When did my teenage daughter become wiser than me?”
I remember thinking if he only knew.
-excerpt from Beth’s book (still untitled)
I hope you grab a copy of my book once it is released so that you can read along as my childhood experiences shape my teenage stories, which in turn shaped my adult lens. Divorce is something many adults can recall from their childhood; I know my experience isn’t exactly novel. The way my dad handled his marriage to my mother was a very strong driving factor I carried around for far too many years. Once I made the executive decision to reshape my experience in adulthood, my life became healthier, I became more vulnerable, more available for healthy and transparent connections. To do this, I had to fire that damn, wounded childhood driver, crippled from years of dysfunctional, worn out movements, and to hire my metaphorical adult chauffeur.
My staff and I at Vervewell work with couples wanting to communicate better, to become more transparent with each other, and who are working through secrets within their relationship. We do this with an abundance of compassion and skill, sans judgment.
Find everything Vervewell at Vervewell.org
Including :
And, as always, schedule with your Vervewell therapist through our website, whether it’s your tried-and-true therapist you’ve had for years, or you’re seeking a brand-new therapist…
At Vervewell, we’ve got you.
In helpfulness…and holiday cheers,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder at Vervewell
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]]>The post …for tomorrow, we grow. appeared first on Vervewell.
]]>It’s the last month of 2023. I’ve been counting down to this month, this year’s end, since January 1 of this year. It’s been a doozie of a year for me. But it’s also been a strong year in the category of personal growth. I try to the best of my ability to practice what I preach, because I am human, a quality that you and I share.
I suggest the following life hack: put your new year’s goals in place NOW, in December. Put things on your January and February calendar in December so that you can sit back, and enjoy December, knowing that January and February will be all ready to go, all tucked into a row to achieve new goals in the new year. Map out your goals in December, while you’re inspired to grow and do better in the new year. Sometimes, if we wait till January, our spark dwindles a bit, and our desires we felt in November and December, don’t seem as important once the tree is down and the decorations are put away. Simply put, commit to your goals now. I’m not suggesting that you start them now, only that you commit to them now.
It’s December! The most wonderful time of the year! Be present in December. Click your glass with friends and family, whether that glass is filled with spirits or mocktails. Make special purchases for those you love and wrap them with joy, gratitude and beautiful paper. Write a special, personal note to each recipient. These gestures build connection by letting those we love, know the value in which we hold them. Don’t hold back when telling others how grateful you are for them, especially this time of year, or anytime.
I wish you abundant amounts of holiday cheer.
Eat, drink and be merry…for tomorrow… we are choosing to grow.
In helpfulness…and holiday cheers,
Beth Lewis, LPC-S
Founder at Vervewell
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