Gratitude Archives - Vervewell

Thoughtfully and Thakfully

Beth Lewis — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 15:43:23 +0000

It’s Thanksgiving week.

Typically, not always, but usually, families gather for this holiday. Some have an entire week away from their office, their professional world, some only a day or two. Either way, the assignment is typically gratitude, the assumption is thankfulness. Yet for many, visiting family, extra expenses, time away from routine, offer stressful feelings and triggered reactions, making gratitude and thankfulness feel like a pipe dream, allowing anxiety and defensiveness to hold premium real estate in our thoughts and behaviors.

Our feelings are derived from our thoughts, and the way we think about things is a habit, a default setting, often a format deeply embedded from our childhood. The good news about this is, believe it or not, we have the choice to choose our thoughts, at every turn, therefore, directing how we feel at any given moment. That’s so cool, amazing really, but the choosing of our thoughts is a hard habit to break. It takes practice, for sure, as we are breaking a deeply embedded habit of HOW we think about certain things, which in turn generates feelings that can either make us or break us. I expand upon this in my Rethink Method, which travels us through the steps that take us from triggers to outcome: something happens, we think about it, which passes us to a feeling, which determines our next step, which gives us our results, or life experience. But for the sake of this email, I’ll give you a simple hack that truncates this idea.

Come up with a word. A word that tells your brain to generate thoughts of depth and love, and to do it pronto, do it now. A word that, when whispered to ourselves, rushes OUT the negative thinking and anxious feelings, and quickly floods our mind with all things that hold light and love.

You may use my word if you don’t have your own. I came up with mine years ago as I was walking on the Trinity Trail in Fort Worth, Texas.

ENGULF.

That’s right, I rattle it off again and again. Engulf, engulf, engulf.

ENGULF is an acronym that stands for: Energy, Nature, God, Universe, Love and Faith.

I know, I know, each of these is such a giant concept, but for me, gathering these words in a row, piling up these concepts, offers direction to my own mind. Instead of any habitually placed swirling thoughts that may pull down my feelings, I fill my mind with these beautiful, intentional words. The occupancy of these ideas in my mind evicts anxiety from my body rather promptly, taking me from trigger to outcome in a lifted, concise and prompt way. The more I practice this hack, the more quickly my feelings improve.

The Vervewell therapists are a busy team this week. Please do not hesitate to get on our calendar as we will be seeing clients a few days this holiday week, while we take a couple of days to be with our families and loved ones.

We are so glad you are here.

In wellness,

Beth and the Vervewell Team

(Heather, Jason, Blake and Casye…and GumBeaux the always precious therapy dog)

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You Are Who You Attract

Beth Lewis — Tue, 19 Nov 2024 19:42:14 +0000

Some days are easier than others, better than others, some days are more melancholy than the day before. Yet each day I generate gratitude for my ability to breathe, to move without pain, to check my blood sugar levels and be ok with the results (my family plays around with diabetes, so I stay informed with my own body). Each day I am grateful for bravery. I am careful not to confuse bravery with fearlessness, as I feel fear often. Bravery is the tenacity that shows up, regardless of fear.

I found a jogging/walking route near Brown University here in Providence and I find myself building my jog back up to a decent pace over the three mile path. I am enamored with the beauty of this city: the fall colors, the crisp leaves all over the brick streets, the beautiful and grand homes providing a gorgeous backdrop to the bright red and orange leaves that remain on some of the beautiful trees. Admittedly, I am awestruck.

While I stay in daily contact with my Vervewell staff in Fort Worth (my team is so communicative and connected with me and with each other, which warms my heart at every turn), I spend many hours a week finding my way in this new city, my new home. I live in a neighborhood referred to as Providence’s Little Italy. I hear people speaking Italian often and the interactions among those I watch is different than how it is in Texas. There is a sense of privacy around each person, a protectedness, if you will. There are less smiles and less eye contact. I was in Texas for 42 years; a length of time that allowed me to accept Texas’ niceties and hospitalities as the standards for passing exchanges. I am adapting to the different.

My biggest task most days, however, is to shed my loneliness. While I was alone in Texas, I knew people. I don’t know anyone here. I live alone (though my two cats DO fill my home with personality), I work alone, I see clients most days, but through a laptop screen and camera. I go to dinner alone, I venture out for a happy hour…alone. This isn’t a sad story, really, it isn’t. I like being alone most of the time, but some of the time, it’s, well, lonely.

Since landing here in Rhode Island, I can feel myself opening up, shedding my loneliness, as I say. I have done some big growing out here on this nomadically northeastern adventure, and in my last handful of years, as well. My self discovery has been keen, big, strong. My bravery has strengthened. And as the writer of the statement I say to my clients regularly: we are who we attract, I am finally interested in attracting others who have also grown a version of themselves of whom they are proud. I am proud of this version of me. I am confident I will attract new friends who share a level of transparency that looks somewhat like mine. I hope so.

I love my work with my couples, marriages, families. I watch husbands and wives, spouses, rally for their relationships. I watch them use my ideas for healthier communication, for connectedness. I watch them grow versions of themselves that offer more love, more transparency, more vulnerability through some of their more challenging chapters. I watch them grow closer even if they had to fall apart first.

Once I wrap up this page, I will head to my jogging trail, where I will build my physical pace up to a relatively healthy and strong cadence. And I will walk through my day today, and the days ahead with a sense of openness, availability, curiosity, transparency, vulnerability, bravery. And I will build my emotional pace to one that is relatively healthy and strong. I am who I attract.

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From Carbon to Diamonds

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:53 +0000

How do you handle your stressors when they show up?

Here is an idea that I’ve used with clients that yields results: less anxiety, positive and productive thoughts, peaceful and happy and beautiful results.

Stress happens for everyone. Even further, and as a matter of fact, diamonds are created from intense stress on carbon atoms. This tidbit of information has stuck with me since it was introduced to me in a high school science class. The carbon atoms experience the stress and use it to form something beautiful. A diamond can’t exist without intense stress taking place first.

So I do my best to experience my stress as something I can handle, even further, I typically try to use the anxious energy to create something beautiful. Step one in doing this is to let go of the resistance for the stress. When I find myself resisting the stress, saying things like “I just need this anxiety to go away” or “once I am past this intensely stressful time, it will all be better”, I find no relief. That is because those thoughts keep me in a stressful place that is full of resistance to the stress, which creates an energy within me that actually wards OFF peace or productivity and attracts more, you guessed it, stress.

When stress rears its ugly head, I’ve decided to look for its potential, instead. Stress is a feeling that tells me that I am in a position to create something beautiful, if I simply decide to experience it that way, like the carbon atom.

To help let go of the resistance to stress so that I can experience its power, I say things to myself like “I accept this stress” or “I am perfectly safe and peaceful as I experience this stress” or even better, “I am so grateful to have the opportunity to experience stress well, and to use it for something good”. Thoughts like these will create an inner energy that matches the energy of productivity or positivity, which leaves you open to attract productivity and positivity, therefore experiencing relief and peace.

You are the driver of your thoughts. Generate resistant-proof thoughts that connect you to your best potential, and that offer you opportunity to create diamonds from carbon atoms.

You’ve got this, dear ones.Schedule with a Vervewell therapist today, we are all welcoming new clients, either in office (Fort Worth, TX) or virtually.

I see clients virtually only.

In health and wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and therapist/coach at Vervewell: therapy for everyone

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How do you relationship?

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:34 +0000

How do you relationship?

As a therapist working with couples regularly, I am very aware that we humans are dynamic in nature, we ebb and flow within moods, hormones, triggers. We keep a keen eye on the external world and how we drive those factors: financial being a main irritant, or key ingredient in the recipe of ease. We live in a culture that suggests the harder we work, the better we can provide, even if at the cost of all things love and family.

My work with couples is some of my favorite. Some of them come in with divorce on their mind. I am honored with each pair who allows me into their private world. I am invested, to say the least, in supporting their love for each other, even if, especially when, one or both are tired, exhausted really, with family, finances, kids, and lack of connection within the core of their home: their marriage, their relationship, their partnership.

Marriages house many layers, this I know, but for the sake of this email, I want to lovingly suggest that you dial in ONE plan of action that will light UP your partner. This will have to be a mindful, thoughtful effort, because likely the lack of mindfulness is what has been the leader in any disconnect being experienced between you and your partner as of late.

Keep this in mind. Staying married so as to not upset children with divorce is only a good idea if that marriage demonstrates love and support, to name a couple of basic good things. A marriage that stays together, but is rich with arguments, disrespect, or even silence can be as unkind to children as an ugly divorce.

So, in the spirit of reconnecting…and for all things love and family, let’s build, or re-build, love and support within the core of your home: your marriage, your relationship, your partnership.

Let’s start with the suggested simple exercise of SEEING your partner. Even if what lights UP your partner is not necessarily something YOU enjoy, let’s do this exercise with a sense of selflessness.

Put something into place that you know will mean a lot to your spouse, and extend the invitation to them. It doesn’t have to cost a lot, yet I DO recommend it’s a plan that does not involve the children. You may have to take an hour or so away from work one day this month to execute your plan, you may have to hire a sitter, you may have to disrupt your usual routine to dial this in, but trust me, all are steps towards strengthening and supporting your relationship. All are steps worth taking.

Be good to yourself, be good to your partner.

Relationship/couples therapy is an excellent way to grow together, to reconnect.

I am here for you and yours.

You’ve got this, dear ones.

In wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder of Vervewell

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Hey, Driver…

Beth Lewis — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 17:07:20 +0000

My suggestion for you and your week ahead is to see how the following morning routine can help you determine a strong and healthy, out of the blahs and humdrums, clear of feeling anxious or down sort of day(s)…

We are all guilty of waking up, grabbing our phones, scrolling through this app and that app, hitting snooze and falling back to some cheapened version of sleep only to wake after a series of eight minute imposter naps, even foggier than we were before. We then wobble our sleepy selves to the bathroom, glance at our face in the mirror which we meet with a multitude of subconscious judgments, albeit some of those judgments are rather front and center conscious level, only to lug our exhausted selves to the kitchen to push “start” on the coffee maker, and that’s only if we were organized enough the night before to set up such a luxury for the morning.

Come on, man…you are the driver of this ship. You can drive much better than this.

Step 1:

Be aware that YOU are the driver. You are not the recipient of your life, you are the maker of your life, the curator of your mindset. Decide that now. Believe that now. This mindset changes everything.

Step 2:

Set your bedroom up as the restful space it needs to be to support you as you sleep. Clear your bedroom of work, kids’ toys, dirty dishes. Remove the dirty clothes to the laundry room. Have your phone charger across the room so that your phone is not next to you while you sleep. Make your bed each morning so it is the respite it needs to be each night.

Step 3:

Before you fall off to sleep, make sure you have had no screen time for the last 45 minutes, if not longer. Have a journal of some sort accessible and write a list of things for which you’re grateful. Seriously. This list will have you a bit warmer and fuzzier than the minutes before you wrote the list. Drift off to sleep. If you wake in the night, do not grab your phone to pass the time. Grab a journal instead and jot down what’s on your mind.

Step 4:

Give your snooze button the week off. For real. When you wake, do not push snooze on your alarm. Likely you’re using your phone alarm anyway, which should be across the room on its charger. Climb out of bed and cross the room to turn it off and find your way to another journal located somewhere other than your bedroom. I am a believer in having a small collection of journals peppered throughout the home. I live by myself, so this is likely easier than if you have others who you don’t necessarily want to see your journals. This is normal, trust me, we all value our privacy. With that, teach others with whom you live, to value your privacy, just as you will value their’s. Sit with your morning journal and map out how you will experience the day. THIS IS THE BIG DOG of determining the outcome of your day, that’s right, simply decide.

A strong strategy in deciding the outcome of your day is selecting supportive verbiage, therefore, a strong mindset, a total game changer.

Here are some examples:

I will enter my day with “first day energy” (remember your first day on the job? How focused you were, how curious and interested you were to meet others and to learn the ropes?).

I will use a lens of compassion towards others, as they are just as human as I am. They, too, likely looked in the mirror this morning and judged themselves.

I will pay attention to the details today. I will focus on being a good listener.

I will experience deadlines as opportunities for me to shine.

I will acknowledge that (most) deadlines are pliable.

I will find my beauty with every glance in the mirror.

Note that these statements aren’t things like:

I will have a GOOD day.
I will be happy, damnit.
Everything will be wonderful today.
My life is one amazingly beautiful rainbow.

While those are awesome sentiments, they set us up to “fail” because it is highly likely that SOMEthing challenging will happen in your day, that someone will be an ass, that keys will get misplaced, that milk will get spilled, but it’s how we RESPOND to these annoyances that make or break us. And how we respond is a decision to be made in advance… and noted in our morning journals.

Godspeed, dear ones. You’ve got this.

In wellness,
Beth Clardy Lewis
Founder at Vervewell
Founder and Maker at LongLiveLively.org
Author: Stop Talking About Your Childhood (self help for a strong adulthood)
To schedule 1:1 sessions with Beth, click here

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THANK YOU to each of you

Beth Lewis — Fri, 01 Mar 2024 10:00:08 +0000

I’ll make this email short and sweet. THANK YOU to each of you who take the time to read these emails, as well as those of you who construct a kind reply. Connecting with our clients means the world to each of us therapists here at Vervewell.

Admittedly, I’m TIRED this week, which is why this will stay short.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to be good to myself, and why it’s so important to do so.

And no matter how difficult or complicated or deep I try to make it, I come back to this simple idea:

When I am good to myself, the happier I feel, and the happier I feel, the more genuinely available I am to those who are wanting to connect with me (maybe that’s my child, my parent, my brother or sister, my co-worker, my best friend, my sweet cats who talk to me each time I come home from wherever I’ve been).

For the love of those who love you, be good to you.

That’s it for this email.

In helpfulness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director
Vervewell.org

Coming SOON:

Beth is taking her clients along on her nomadic adventure as she explores various small towns in the northeast. She is switching her clients to telehealth or phone calls (instead of in person). If you’d like to get on her schedule, and go along for the ride, please do so at Vervewell.org. Her Nomadically Northeast experience begins Monday, June 3, 2024. Feel free to get on her calendar before she relocates, so you can see the charming Vervewell offices beforehand.

Virtually Vervewell is in the works! This will be a link on the Vervewell website that offers on-line/virtual therapy and coaching courses. This link will also have Beth’s book for sale upon its release on June 1, 2024.

So much GROWTH at Vervewell, all so that we can extend our hands to offer more and more methods for personal growth, stronger relationships, and healthiest lifestyles. We got you!

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No Matter the Weather

Beth Lewis — Fri, 16 Feb 2024 10:00:18 +0000

As we celebrate the “Hallmark Holiday” as many like to call Valentine’s Day, I’d like to honor the things for which I’m grateful…I encourage you to do this journal-entry-type-exercise, too. When we shine a light on all the GOOD, the more space we create to be of service to others, as well as to receive the love and gratitude of others, not to mention the love and good energy that others will feel from us. Being an active participant in the love and the good of your world is an awesome thing. If we select to do one thing well, let it be this one: let it be love.

I am grateful for this old lap-top.

I am grateful for my fingers that move swiftly as I type, so far, arthritis free, even though it runs in my family.

I am grateful for the warm blanket wrapped around my legs as I sit this early morning composing this email. I am grateful that my blanket smells like fabric softener.

I am grateful for the two cats that are resting nearby. I am grateful for the personality they spill all over my home. I am grateful when Preston, the grey tabby, tangles himself within a roll of paper towels, full of fervor, offering me opportunity to exercise a better relationship with patience.

I am grateful for my daughter, her creative mind, her healthy body, and her willingness to think deeply more times than not. I am grateful to know her loving heart. I am grateful for the ability to invest in her growing life and mind. I am grateful my part of her expensive tuition, as it has offered me an on-going opportunity to show up financially. I am grateful for the life she has given to me simply by being her mother.

I am grateful for my mom, who at 82, still has a sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes. I am grateful that I can look to her for guidance. I am grateful for my stepdad who loves my mom very much. I am grateful for their demonstration that true love is real.

I am grateful for my older brother, who at 55, has become one of my closest friends.

I am grateful for my car, that it is spacious, comfortable, paid for, and will likely run for another 150,000 miles. I am grateful my car gets me to and from Dallas so that I can visit my brother, and other Dallas friends for whom I am also grateful. I am grateful that my car will be my vehicle to get me from Texas to the beautiful Northeast this summer and for the next year, as I will be nomadically living my life.

I am grateful for my career. I am grateful that I decided to go back to school when I was 31 to get an education which would ultimately allow me a path that is of service and support to others. I am grateful for each client and the honor of knowing them. I am grateful for their lives.

I am grateful for my older sister and our shared love for movies. I am grateful for our relationship as both of us get older, wiser, kinder, closer.

I am grateful for my staff who, somehow, gravitated towards my practice. I am grateful that they find support and stability to build a practice of their own that helps support their beautiful families. I am grateful to be a small part of each of their lives.

I am grateful for any financial rubs I’ve experienced throughout my adult life. I am grateful for each opportunity to pay a bill, or a debt. I am grateful for perspective adjustments.

I am grateful for tougher times, as each tough time gives me the opportunity to learn that I have exactly what I need to rise to a challenging occasion.

I am grateful for the friends who have given me space to stretch in the past couple of years as I have found my creative voice and medium. I am grateful that they believe in me. I am grateful for their understanding of me as I have tucked myself behind closed doors to devotedly write, create, and grow a version of me of whom I am proud.

I am grateful for the course correction I experienced in late 2022. I am grateful for the book I’ve written because of the course correction. I am grateful for the spiritual awakening I’ve experienced because of the course correction. I am grateful for deciding to use my course correction to be of better service to each client, to my daughter, to my family, to myself. I am again, and always, grateful for the beautiful ability to adjust my perspective.

I am grateful for my walks on the trail. I am grateful for my physical ability to experience so many miles, no matter the weather.

Now your turn.

In helpfulness,
Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and Creative Director of Vervewell

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