Fear Archives - Vervewell

You Are Who You Attract

Beth Lewis — Tue, 19 Nov 2024 19:42:14 +0000

Some days are easier than others, better than others, some days are more melancholy than the day before. Yet each day I generate gratitude for my ability to breathe, to move without pain, to check my blood sugar levels and be ok with the results (my family plays around with diabetes, so I stay informed with my own body). Each day I am grateful for bravery. I am careful not to confuse bravery with fearlessness, as I feel fear often. Bravery is the tenacity that shows up, regardless of fear.

I found a jogging/walking route near Brown University here in Providence and I find myself building my jog back up to a decent pace over the three mile path. I am enamored with the beauty of this city: the fall colors, the crisp leaves all over the brick streets, the beautiful and grand homes providing a gorgeous backdrop to the bright red and orange leaves that remain on some of the beautiful trees. Admittedly, I am awestruck.

While I stay in daily contact with my Vervewell staff in Fort Worth (my team is so communicative and connected with me and with each other, which warms my heart at every turn), I spend many hours a week finding my way in this new city, my new home. I live in a neighborhood referred to as Providence’s Little Italy. I hear people speaking Italian often and the interactions among those I watch is different than how it is in Texas. There is a sense of privacy around each person, a protectedness, if you will. There are less smiles and less eye contact. I was in Texas for 42 years; a length of time that allowed me to accept Texas’ niceties and hospitalities as the standards for passing exchanges. I am adapting to the different.

My biggest task most days, however, is to shed my loneliness. While I was alone in Texas, I knew people. I don’t know anyone here. I live alone (though my two cats DO fill my home with personality), I work alone, I see clients most days, but through a laptop screen and camera. I go to dinner alone, I venture out for a happy hour…alone. This isn’t a sad story, really, it isn’t. I like being alone most of the time, but some of the time, it’s, well, lonely.

Since landing here in Rhode Island, I can feel myself opening up, shedding my loneliness, as I say. I have done some big growing out here on this nomadically northeastern adventure, and in my last handful of years, as well. My self discovery has been keen, big, strong. My bravery has strengthened. And as the writer of the statement I say to my clients regularly: we are who we attract, I am finally interested in attracting others who have also grown a version of themselves of whom they are proud. I am proud of this version of me. I am confident I will attract new friends who share a level of transparency that looks somewhat like mine. I hope so.

I love my work with my couples, marriages, families. I watch husbands and wives, spouses, rally for their relationships. I watch them use my ideas for healthier communication, for connectedness. I watch them grow versions of themselves that offer more love, more transparency, more vulnerability through some of their more challenging chapters. I watch them grow closer even if they had to fall apart first.

Once I wrap up this page, I will head to my jogging trail, where I will build my physical pace up to a relatively healthy and strong cadence. And I will walk through my day today, and the days ahead with a sense of openness, availability, curiosity, transparency, vulnerability, bravery. And I will build my emotional pace to one that is relatively healthy and strong. I am who I attract.

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From Carbon to Diamonds

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:53 +0000

How do you handle your stressors when they show up?

Here is an idea that I’ve used with clients that yields results: less anxiety, positive and productive thoughts, peaceful and happy and beautiful results.

Stress happens for everyone. Even further, and as a matter of fact, diamonds are created from intense stress on carbon atoms. This tidbit of information has stuck with me since it was introduced to me in a high school science class. The carbon atoms experience the stress and use it to form something beautiful. A diamond can’t exist without intense stress taking place first.

So I do my best to experience my stress as something I can handle, even further, I typically try to use the anxious energy to create something beautiful. Step one in doing this is to let go of the resistance for the stress. When I find myself resisting the stress, saying things like “I just need this anxiety to go away” or “once I am past this intensely stressful time, it will all be better”, I find no relief. That is because those thoughts keep me in a stressful place that is full of resistance to the stress, which creates an energy within me that actually wards OFF peace or productivity and attracts more, you guessed it, stress.

When stress rears its ugly head, I’ve decided to look for its potential, instead. Stress is a feeling that tells me that I am in a position to create something beautiful, if I simply decide to experience it that way, like the carbon atom.

To help let go of the resistance to stress so that I can experience its power, I say things to myself like “I accept this stress” or “I am perfectly safe and peaceful as I experience this stress” or even better, “I am so grateful to have the opportunity to experience stress well, and to use it for something good”. Thoughts like these will create an inner energy that matches the energy of productivity or positivity, which leaves you open to attract productivity and positivity, therefore experiencing relief and peace.

You are the driver of your thoughts. Generate resistant-proof thoughts that connect you to your best potential, and that offer you opportunity to create diamonds from carbon atoms.

You’ve got this, dear ones.Schedule with a Vervewell therapist today, we are all welcoming new clients, either in office (Fort Worth, TX) or virtually.

I see clients virtually only.

In health and wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and therapist/coach at Vervewell: therapy for everyone

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Think About This

Beth Lewis — Wed, 02 Oct 2024 12:18:58 +0000

Think About This

For someone who just released her first self-help book, makes a living as a seasoned psychotherapist, and is launching a website for digital courses on self-help and personal growth topics in a matter of weeks, I am having far too many negative thoughts, and much too many sleepless nights.

I’ve been feeling a lot of fear lately, which keeps me awake. Mostly due to being alone around the clock while on this nomadically northeast adventure. My two cats are great, for sure, but our conversations are limited due to some language barriers.

The fear also crept in because of some not-so-desirable things happening for me since I’ve been on this adventure. Things I did not see coming, things for which I did not plan. Over the last few years I’ve learned that historically, my go to mind set when the not-so-desirable happens, is to wrestle with the things, to judge and shame myself because of the things, to fear the things, to put up my dukes and wrap myself with resistance because of the things, and to fixate on and try to fix all the things. It is here where I’m learning the delicious art of letting go. For so many years prior to now, letting go was something I didn’t really understand, therefore I didn’t know how to do it. So I held on instead.

Early this morning I pulled the blanket from my bed, wrapped it around me and piled myself on to the sofa so I could stare at a different ceiling. And I got busy thinking. My book, as well as one of my digital courses dives rather deeply into one of my therapy methods which outlines how our thoughts are the drivers of our everyday outcomes. Our thoughts happen first, our outcomes follow suit. However, what we typically do as humans is generate thoughts that are in reaction to our daily outcomes. Something happens, and our thoughts become directed by what happens, we get consumed with thoughts of problem solving or hiding, and by doing so, we open ourselves to likely attract more of that not-so-desirable outcome. Because, in fact, contrary to our tendencies, thoughts do come first, and our everyday outcomes follow suit, not the other way around.

Let me be clear, there are a lot of things out there over which we have no control, that are not to be put in the category of “everyday outcomes” and our thoughts will, indeed, be in response to those things, not the driver of those things. We don’t think our way to the death of a loved one, or being stolen from financially or physically, but we do have managerial power over how our thoughts flow after loss and trauma. With a strong therapist, healthy processing and thought direction can lead us to healing and wellness.

Join me, will you? I need the company. Let’s guide our thoughts today, away from small and punitive all the way to big, bright, healthy, lovely, dreamy. If you are in a situation today that is not-so-desirable, allow yourself to let go anyway, to choose joyful and loving and lifted thoughts and feelings. Let go of your resistance, your defensiveness, your inner dialogue that is shaming and cruel to you. Realize that there is no conflict here. Let go of trying to appeal to everyone else before yourself. Let go of fear. Welcome in healing and healthier thoughts. And if you’d like to take this game up a bit, rethink about your not-so-pleasant situation. Come up with a new way to look at it, a new way to experience it, ideally a way that inspires productive and strong thoughts and feelings and therefore, inspired action, desired change. YOU are the writer of this story, your very own mastermind. You are who holds beliefs about yourself and you make them come true. If we are capable of drawing less than desirable situations to ourselves because subconsciously we become consumed with the undesirable, then we can also pull the dreamiest outcomes our way by thinking differently about the undesirable, turning it into something we are experiencing so as to learn and apply better thoughts, so as to attract more of the desirable, so as to live all of our dreams.

What if everything is actually working out? What if things are actually happening FOR you, not TO you? What if this is just a smaller piece of a much bigger path? What if this is just the gloomier page of a truly happy story? Our thoughts are energetic forces and our feelings are magnetic pulls. Our thoughts absolutely determine our everyday experiences. Adjusting our thoughts is a daily practice. It’s a birthright, joy. Think about that.

In wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis

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