Control Archives - Vervewell

Thoughtfully and Thakfully

Beth Lewis — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 15:43:23 +0000

It’s Thanksgiving week.

Typically, not always, but usually, families gather for this holiday. Some have an entire week away from their office, their professional world, some only a day or two. Either way, the assignment is typically gratitude, the assumption is thankfulness. Yet for many, visiting family, extra expenses, time away from routine, offer stressful feelings and triggered reactions, making gratitude and thankfulness feel like a pipe dream, allowing anxiety and defensiveness to hold premium real estate in our thoughts and behaviors.

Our feelings are derived from our thoughts, and the way we think about things is a habit, a default setting, often a format deeply embedded from our childhood. The good news about this is, believe it or not, we have the choice to choose our thoughts, at every turn, therefore, directing how we feel at any given moment. That’s so cool, amazing really, but the choosing of our thoughts is a hard habit to break. It takes practice, for sure, as we are breaking a deeply embedded habit of HOW we think about certain things, which in turn generates feelings that can either make us or break us. I expand upon this in my Rethink Method, which travels us through the steps that take us from triggers to outcome: something happens, we think about it, which passes us to a feeling, which determines our next step, which gives us our results, or life experience. But for the sake of this email, I’ll give you a simple hack that truncates this idea.

Come up with a word. A word that tells your brain to generate thoughts of depth and love, and to do it pronto, do it now. A word that, when whispered to ourselves, rushes OUT the negative thinking and anxious feelings, and quickly floods our mind with all things that hold light and love.

You may use my word if you don’t have your own. I came up with mine years ago as I was walking on the Trinity Trail in Fort Worth, Texas.

ENGULF.

That’s right, I rattle it off again and again. Engulf, engulf, engulf.

ENGULF is an acronym that stands for: Energy, Nature, God, Universe, Love and Faith.

I know, I know, each of these is such a giant concept, but for me, gathering these words in a row, piling up these concepts, offers direction to my own mind. Instead of any habitually placed swirling thoughts that may pull down my feelings, I fill my mind with these beautiful, intentional words. The occupancy of these ideas in my mind evicts anxiety from my body rather promptly, taking me from trigger to outcome in a lifted, concise and prompt way. The more I practice this hack, the more quickly my feelings improve.

The Vervewell therapists are a busy team this week. Please do not hesitate to get on our calendar as we will be seeing clients a few days this holiday week, while we take a couple of days to be with our families and loved ones.

We are so glad you are here.

In wellness,

Beth and the Vervewell Team

(Heather, Jason, Blake and Casye…and GumBeaux the always precious therapy dog)

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From Carbon to Diamonds

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:53 +0000

How do you handle your stressors when they show up?

Here is an idea that I’ve used with clients that yields results: less anxiety, positive and productive thoughts, peaceful and happy and beautiful results.

Stress happens for everyone. Even further, and as a matter of fact, diamonds are created from intense stress on carbon atoms. This tidbit of information has stuck with me since it was introduced to me in a high school science class. The carbon atoms experience the stress and use it to form something beautiful. A diamond can’t exist without intense stress taking place first.

So I do my best to experience my stress as something I can handle, even further, I typically try to use the anxious energy to create something beautiful. Step one in doing this is to let go of the resistance for the stress. When I find myself resisting the stress, saying things like “I just need this anxiety to go away” or “once I am past this intensely stressful time, it will all be better”, I find no relief. That is because those thoughts keep me in a stressful place that is full of resistance to the stress, which creates an energy within me that actually wards OFF peace or productivity and attracts more, you guessed it, stress.

When stress rears its ugly head, I’ve decided to look for its potential, instead. Stress is a feeling that tells me that I am in a position to create something beautiful, if I simply decide to experience it that way, like the carbon atom.

To help let go of the resistance to stress so that I can experience its power, I say things to myself like “I accept this stress” or “I am perfectly safe and peaceful as I experience this stress” or even better, “I am so grateful to have the opportunity to experience stress well, and to use it for something good”. Thoughts like these will create an inner energy that matches the energy of productivity or positivity, which leaves you open to attract productivity and positivity, therefore experiencing relief and peace.

You are the driver of your thoughts. Generate resistant-proof thoughts that connect you to your best potential, and that offer you opportunity to create diamonds from carbon atoms.

You’ve got this, dear ones.Schedule with a Vervewell therapist today, we are all welcoming new clients, either in office (Fort Worth, TX) or virtually.

I see clients virtually only.

In health and wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and therapist/coach at Vervewell: therapy for everyone

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Hey, Driver…

Beth Lewis — Tue, 15 Oct 2024 17:07:20 +0000

My suggestion for you and your week ahead is to see how the following morning routine can help you determine a strong and healthy, out of the blahs and humdrums, clear of feeling anxious or down sort of day(s)…

We are all guilty of waking up, grabbing our phones, scrolling through this app and that app, hitting snooze and falling back to some cheapened version of sleep only to wake after a series of eight minute imposter naps, even foggier than we were before. We then wobble our sleepy selves to the bathroom, glance at our face in the mirror which we meet with a multitude of subconscious judgments, albeit some of those judgments are rather front and center conscious level, only to lug our exhausted selves to the kitchen to push “start” on the coffee maker, and that’s only if we were organized enough the night before to set up such a luxury for the morning.

Come on, man…you are the driver of this ship. You can drive much better than this.

Step 1:

Be aware that YOU are the driver. You are not the recipient of your life, you are the maker of your life, the curator of your mindset. Decide that now. Believe that now. This mindset changes everything.

Step 2:

Set your bedroom up as the restful space it needs to be to support you as you sleep. Clear your bedroom of work, kids’ toys, dirty dishes. Remove the dirty clothes to the laundry room. Have your phone charger across the room so that your phone is not next to you while you sleep. Make your bed each morning so it is the respite it needs to be each night.

Step 3:

Before you fall off to sleep, make sure you have had no screen time for the last 45 minutes, if not longer. Have a journal of some sort accessible and write a list of things for which you’re grateful. Seriously. This list will have you a bit warmer and fuzzier than the minutes before you wrote the list. Drift off to sleep. If you wake in the night, do not grab your phone to pass the time. Grab a journal instead and jot down what’s on your mind.

Step 4:

Give your snooze button the week off. For real. When you wake, do not push snooze on your alarm. Likely you’re using your phone alarm anyway, which should be across the room on its charger. Climb out of bed and cross the room to turn it off and find your way to another journal located somewhere other than your bedroom. I am a believer in having a small collection of journals peppered throughout the home. I live by myself, so this is likely easier than if you have others who you don’t necessarily want to see your journals. This is normal, trust me, we all value our privacy. With that, teach others with whom you live, to value your privacy, just as you will value their’s. Sit with your morning journal and map out how you will experience the day. THIS IS THE BIG DOG of determining the outcome of your day, that’s right, simply decide.

A strong strategy in deciding the outcome of your day is selecting supportive verbiage, therefore, a strong mindset, a total game changer.

Here are some examples:

I will enter my day with “first day energy” (remember your first day on the job? How focused you were, how curious and interested you were to meet others and to learn the ropes?).

I will use a lens of compassion towards others, as they are just as human as I am. They, too, likely looked in the mirror this morning and judged themselves.

I will pay attention to the details today. I will focus on being a good listener.

I will experience deadlines as opportunities for me to shine.

I will acknowledge that (most) deadlines are pliable.

I will find my beauty with every glance in the mirror.

Note that these statements aren’t things like:

I will have a GOOD day.
I will be happy, damnit.
Everything will be wonderful today.
My life is one amazingly beautiful rainbow.

While those are awesome sentiments, they set us up to “fail” because it is highly likely that SOMEthing challenging will happen in your day, that someone will be an ass, that keys will get misplaced, that milk will get spilled, but it’s how we RESPOND to these annoyances that make or break us. And how we respond is a decision to be made in advance… and noted in our morning journals.

Godspeed, dear ones. You’ve got this.

In wellness,
Beth Clardy Lewis
Founder at Vervewell
Founder and Maker at LongLiveLively.org
Author: Stop Talking About Your Childhood (self help for a strong adulthood)
To schedule 1:1 sessions with Beth, click here

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Think About This

Beth Lewis — Wed, 02 Oct 2024 12:18:58 +0000

Think About This

For someone who just released her first self-help book, makes a living as a seasoned psychotherapist, and is launching a website for digital courses on self-help and personal growth topics in a matter of weeks, I am having far too many negative thoughts, and much too many sleepless nights.

I’ve been feeling a lot of fear lately, which keeps me awake. Mostly due to being alone around the clock while on this nomadically northeast adventure. My two cats are great, for sure, but our conversations are limited due to some language barriers.

The fear also crept in because of some not-so-desirable things happening for me since I’ve been on this adventure. Things I did not see coming, things for which I did not plan. Over the last few years I’ve learned that historically, my go to mind set when the not-so-desirable happens, is to wrestle with the things, to judge and shame myself because of the things, to fear the things, to put up my dukes and wrap myself with resistance because of the things, and to fixate on and try to fix all the things. It is here where I’m learning the delicious art of letting go. For so many years prior to now, letting go was something I didn’t really understand, therefore I didn’t know how to do it. So I held on instead.

Early this morning I pulled the blanket from my bed, wrapped it around me and piled myself on to the sofa so I could stare at a different ceiling. And I got busy thinking. My book, as well as one of my digital courses dives rather deeply into one of my therapy methods which outlines how our thoughts are the drivers of our everyday outcomes. Our thoughts happen first, our outcomes follow suit. However, what we typically do as humans is generate thoughts that are in reaction to our daily outcomes. Something happens, and our thoughts become directed by what happens, we get consumed with thoughts of problem solving or hiding, and by doing so, we open ourselves to likely attract more of that not-so-desirable outcome. Because, in fact, contrary to our tendencies, thoughts do come first, and our everyday outcomes follow suit, not the other way around.

Let me be clear, there are a lot of things out there over which we have no control, that are not to be put in the category of “everyday outcomes” and our thoughts will, indeed, be in response to those things, not the driver of those things. We don’t think our way to the death of a loved one, or being stolen from financially or physically, but we do have managerial power over how our thoughts flow after loss and trauma. With a strong therapist, healthy processing and thought direction can lead us to healing and wellness.

Join me, will you? I need the company. Let’s guide our thoughts today, away from small and punitive all the way to big, bright, healthy, lovely, dreamy. If you are in a situation today that is not-so-desirable, allow yourself to let go anyway, to choose joyful and loving and lifted thoughts and feelings. Let go of your resistance, your defensiveness, your inner dialogue that is shaming and cruel to you. Realize that there is no conflict here. Let go of trying to appeal to everyone else before yourself. Let go of fear. Welcome in healing and healthier thoughts. And if you’d like to take this game up a bit, rethink about your not-so-pleasant situation. Come up with a new way to look at it, a new way to experience it, ideally a way that inspires productive and strong thoughts and feelings and therefore, inspired action, desired change. YOU are the writer of this story, your very own mastermind. You are who holds beliefs about yourself and you make them come true. If we are capable of drawing less than desirable situations to ourselves because subconsciously we become consumed with the undesirable, then we can also pull the dreamiest outcomes our way by thinking differently about the undesirable, turning it into something we are experiencing so as to learn and apply better thoughts, so as to attract more of the desirable, so as to live all of our dreams.

What if everything is actually working out? What if things are actually happening FOR you, not TO you? What if this is just a smaller piece of a much bigger path? What if this is just the gloomier page of a truly happy story? Our thoughts are energetic forces and our feelings are magnetic pulls. Our thoughts absolutely determine our everyday experiences. Adjusting our thoughts is a daily practice. It’s a birthright, joy. Think about that.

In wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis

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