Cognitive Psychology Archives - Vervewell

Thoughtfully and Thakfully

Beth Lewis — Tue, 26 Nov 2024 15:43:23 +0000

It’s Thanksgiving week.

Typically, not always, but usually, families gather for this holiday. Some have an entire week away from their office, their professional world, some only a day or two. Either way, the assignment is typically gratitude, the assumption is thankfulness. Yet for many, visiting family, extra expenses, time away from routine, offer stressful feelings and triggered reactions, making gratitude and thankfulness feel like a pipe dream, allowing anxiety and defensiveness to hold premium real estate in our thoughts and behaviors.

Our feelings are derived from our thoughts, and the way we think about things is a habit, a default setting, often a format deeply embedded from our childhood. The good news about this is, believe it or not, we have the choice to choose our thoughts, at every turn, therefore, directing how we feel at any given moment. That’s so cool, amazing really, but the choosing of our thoughts is a hard habit to break. It takes practice, for sure, as we are breaking a deeply embedded habit of HOW we think about certain things, which in turn generates feelings that can either make us or break us. I expand upon this in my Rethink Method, which travels us through the steps that take us from triggers to outcome: something happens, we think about it, which passes us to a feeling, which determines our next step, which gives us our results, or life experience. But for the sake of this email, I’ll give you a simple hack that truncates this idea.

Come up with a word. A word that tells your brain to generate thoughts of depth and love, and to do it pronto, do it now. A word that, when whispered to ourselves, rushes OUT the negative thinking and anxious feelings, and quickly floods our mind with all things that hold light and love.

You may use my word if you don’t have your own. I came up with mine years ago as I was walking on the Trinity Trail in Fort Worth, Texas.

ENGULF.

That’s right, I rattle it off again and again. Engulf, engulf, engulf.

ENGULF is an acronym that stands for: Energy, Nature, God, Universe, Love and Faith.

I know, I know, each of these is such a giant concept, but for me, gathering these words in a row, piling up these concepts, offers direction to my own mind. Instead of any habitually placed swirling thoughts that may pull down my feelings, I fill my mind with these beautiful, intentional words. The occupancy of these ideas in my mind evicts anxiety from my body rather promptly, taking me from trigger to outcome in a lifted, concise and prompt way. The more I practice this hack, the more quickly my feelings improve.

The Vervewell therapists are a busy team this week. Please do not hesitate to get on our calendar as we will be seeing clients a few days this holiday week, while we take a couple of days to be with our families and loved ones.

We are so glad you are here.

In wellness,

Beth and the Vervewell Team

(Heather, Jason, Blake and Casye…and GumBeaux the always precious therapy dog)

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From Carbon to Diamonds

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:53 +0000

How do you handle your stressors when they show up?

Here is an idea that I’ve used with clients that yields results: less anxiety, positive and productive thoughts, peaceful and happy and beautiful results.

Stress happens for everyone. Even further, and as a matter of fact, diamonds are created from intense stress on carbon atoms. This tidbit of information has stuck with me since it was introduced to me in a high school science class. The carbon atoms experience the stress and use it to form something beautiful. A diamond can’t exist without intense stress taking place first.

So I do my best to experience my stress as something I can handle, even further, I typically try to use the anxious energy to create something beautiful. Step one in doing this is to let go of the resistance for the stress. When I find myself resisting the stress, saying things like “I just need this anxiety to go away” or “once I am past this intensely stressful time, it will all be better”, I find no relief. That is because those thoughts keep me in a stressful place that is full of resistance to the stress, which creates an energy within me that actually wards OFF peace or productivity and attracts more, you guessed it, stress.

When stress rears its ugly head, I’ve decided to look for its potential, instead. Stress is a feeling that tells me that I am in a position to create something beautiful, if I simply decide to experience it that way, like the carbon atom.

To help let go of the resistance to stress so that I can experience its power, I say things to myself like “I accept this stress” or “I am perfectly safe and peaceful as I experience this stress” or even better, “I am so grateful to have the opportunity to experience stress well, and to use it for something good”. Thoughts like these will create an inner energy that matches the energy of productivity or positivity, which leaves you open to attract productivity and positivity, therefore experiencing relief and peace.

You are the driver of your thoughts. Generate resistant-proof thoughts that connect you to your best potential, and that offer you opportunity to create diamonds from carbon atoms.

You’ve got this, dear ones.Schedule with a Vervewell therapist today, we are all welcoming new clients, either in office (Fort Worth, TX) or virtually.

I see clients virtually only.

In health and wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder and therapist/coach at Vervewell: therapy for everyone

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How do you relationship?

Beth Lewis — Thu, 31 Oct 2024 14:59:34 +0000

How do you relationship?

As a therapist working with couples regularly, I am very aware that we humans are dynamic in nature, we ebb and flow within moods, hormones, triggers. We keep a keen eye on the external world and how we drive those factors: financial being a main irritant, or key ingredient in the recipe of ease. We live in a culture that suggests the harder we work, the better we can provide, even if at the cost of all things love and family.

My work with couples is some of my favorite. Some of them come in with divorce on their mind. I am honored with each pair who allows me into their private world. I am invested, to say the least, in supporting their love for each other, even if, especially when, one or both are tired, exhausted really, with family, finances, kids, and lack of connection within the core of their home: their marriage, their relationship, their partnership.

Marriages house many layers, this I know, but for the sake of this email, I want to lovingly suggest that you dial in ONE plan of action that will light UP your partner. This will have to be a mindful, thoughtful effort, because likely the lack of mindfulness is what has been the leader in any disconnect being experienced between you and your partner as of late.

Keep this in mind. Staying married so as to not upset children with divorce is only a good idea if that marriage demonstrates love and support, to name a couple of basic good things. A marriage that stays together, but is rich with arguments, disrespect, or even silence can be as unkind to children as an ugly divorce.

So, in the spirit of reconnecting…and for all things love and family, let’s build, or re-build, love and support within the core of your home: your marriage, your relationship, your partnership.

Let’s start with the suggested simple exercise of SEEING your partner. Even if what lights UP your partner is not necessarily something YOU enjoy, let’s do this exercise with a sense of selflessness.

Put something into place that you know will mean a lot to your spouse, and extend the invitation to them. It doesn’t have to cost a lot, yet I DO recommend it’s a plan that does not involve the children. You may have to take an hour or so away from work one day this month to execute your plan, you may have to hire a sitter, you may have to disrupt your usual routine to dial this in, but trust me, all are steps towards strengthening and supporting your relationship. All are steps worth taking.

Be good to yourself, be good to your partner.

Relationship/couples therapy is an excellent way to grow together, to reconnect.

I am here for you and yours.

You’ve got this, dear ones.

In wellness,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
Founder of Vervewell

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Not today, anxiety, not today

Beth Lewis — Fri, 10 May 2024 10:00:01 +0000

Every now and then anxiety trips me up. It drapes itself around me and gets the best of me. I become small under its massive, oppressive presence. And in my smallness, I feel fear. Anxiety is a beast, and every now and then, I am its prey.

Because of this unbearable heaviness of being, I have come up with a method to help myself shake this seemingly unshakeable discomfort. This method not only has helped me, it has also helped my clients.

the Rethink method:

This method is explained in depth in my upcoming book (release: Summer 2024).

The basic jist is:

Something happens
We apply a thought/belief to it
The thought/belief generates feelings
The feelings direct our actions
Our actions yield our results

EXAMPLE 1:

Financial stress/anxiety:

A credit card bill arrives in the mail
As soon as you see the MasterCard logo on the envelope you think: Aaaargh! I can’t afford this! I am so bad with money! Why did I spend so much on my credit card last month?!!! I’m doomed!
Anxiety floods over you, as do profound feelings of lack and loss
You tear up the bill, ignore it, or you spend more because retail therapy is a medicine that got you here in the first place (can you say: vicious cycle?)
You are overdrawn even more

Let’s Rethink this:

A credit card bill arrives in the mail
As soon as you see the MasterCard logo on the envelope you think: Ok, here it is, the amount I need to pay. What a great opportunity to believe in my financial strength. I am so grateful for this opportunity to show up financially, and for my financial ability and perserverence
Peace surrounds you, as does gratitude
You open the bill and immediately contact the company to either set up payments, or to pay the bill in full
You are within your budget and hold excitement towards your financial capabilities

Example 2:

Relationship stress/anxiety:

A breakup is happening
Whether the breakup is by your design, or orchestrated from your soon-to-be-ex, you find yourself thinking, blaming him or her or them or yourself for being not good enough, for being selfish or narcissistic (we love this label these days)
You feel abandoned, or cruel or misunderstood
You over-consume to self-medicate (be it consumption of food, alcohol, shopping, or sex)
You are left deflated, manic, depressed, out of sorts

Let’s Rethink this:

A breakup is happening
Whether the breakup is your design, or orchestrated by your soon to be ex, you decide to think/believe from an accountable place (not a blame place, but an accountable place, there is a difference): I am ready to personally grow, this is opportunity to address some personal shortcomings…I am not responsible for the shortcomings of my soon-to-be-ex, those are theirs to manage, however they decide to do so.
You feel healthy, grown up, capable of managing any discomfort
You take action. You journal more frequently, you schedule sessions with your therapist, you gather friends for company, you take yourself (and your dog) on long walks while listening to your favorite music or your favorite podcast.
You find yourself in a position that is a stronger and healthier version of you

While anxiety is an oppressor, believe it or not, it is in your power to determine just how “oppressible” you are. By exploring your thoughts and beliefs around an incident and shifting them to a productive place, you are redirecting your results. You are rethinking.

Your therapist is here for you. Take productive, strong action and schedule some sessions, or some extra sessions. Let’s do a deep dive into just how capable, how non-oppressible you are.

In healing and personal growth,

Beth Clardy Lewis, LPC-S
and the Vervewell staff
Vervewell.org

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